Love Makes Things Happen
by greys.endoftheworld
Summary: Miranda Bailey and Ben Warren are dating when tragedy strikes at the hospital, forcing Miranda to breakup with him. This is the story of how Miranda and Ben rekindled their relationship after their 7.1 breakup. There is dialogue from Seasons 7 and 8. This was requested and I hope everyone enjoys it!
1. All or Nothing

**All or Nothing**

Miranda Bailey had been through this so many times. The feeling of extreme exhaustion. She was worn down and she just wanted to go to sleep. Her first day back to the hospital had been okay. Her friends and co-workers had been warm and welcoming. Everyone was still trying to get back to normal even a month after the shooting at the hospital.

"This day was the worst day of my life," she'd said to the psychologist earlier that morning. He was the one who had been brought in to decide which doctors were ready to practice medicine again after the traumatic event. Her lip quivered as she remembered how the shooter, dragged her from underneath the bed while she clawed the floor, hoping to grab hold of something. How she'd pretended that she was a nurse so that her fate wouldn't be the same as the young surgeon who was bleeding out beside her. She'd held the surgeon, Charles Percy, as he lay dying, the blood coming from his body couldn't be contained and there was no way to get him to an OR. His six-foot frame leaked out of her arms, but she held on. Determined that he knew that no, she didn't hate him, he would have made a brilliant surgeon, she would tell Reed that he loved her. Neither knew that Reed Adamson, his crush, was the first surgeon to be killed by the shooter, Gary Clark, who was avenging the death of his late wife. She was determined to make Charles's last moments as comfortable as could be. Even though there was nothing that she could do for him, she'd felt guilty. Miranda stroked his head and prayed over his body. She felt his heart stop beating, saw him take his last breath.

"That was smart," the psychologist, Andrew Perkins, said while he fixed himself a cup of tea. Silently, he asked if she wanted one. Miranda declined.

"Was it?" She asked with a short laugh. "I felt cowardly."

"If you would have said you were a surgeon, then what?"

"I would probably be dead." She knew what he was doing. She'd had the same conversation with her father and mother and The Chief. And with herself. He was trying to get her to see how her actions had saved her life, although she couldn't have saved the life of Charles Percy. "But—"

"There is no but, you would be dead. Gary Clark was hunting for doctors. He was looking for surgeons. By you saying that you were a nurse, you saved yourself and Mary… uh, Mary…" He looked through his file on Miranda.

"Mary Portman, age 29, in for a colostomy bag reversal surgery. She's married to Bill Portman, age 30."

"Right, Mary Portman. You saved her life as well." Miranda made a noise. "I see you went away for a while. You left Seattle."

She nodded. "Yep," she said popping the 'p'. "I went back home."

"How was that?" He asked sipping his coffee.

"My mom fussed over me. My dad tried to make everything better. My son, Tuck, is great, he hasn't a clue what happened. And I rested and I prayed and I cried and I fell apart. My boyfriend… well, probably ex now. I don't know. He… he was understanding but I couldn't talk to him about it." She sighed. "But I'm better now. I'm not whole yet. I'm not the same. I won't ever be."

"No, you won't," he confirmed. "No, you won't." They were quiet.

"So," she said a little impatiently. "Am I cleared or what?" The psychologist signed her form and slid it across the table. Miranda picked it up and walked out.

And that was just the morning, all day, she saw looks of pity and received hugs in addition to ordering her residents around and doing the job that she was employed to do.

Stepping out into the night, Miranda rubbed her eyes, adjusting them to the darkness. She took a few steps towards the parking lot and felt a pair of eyes on her. Even if it was pitch-black, she would know that gaze. Miranda stopped in her tracks. Ben. Ben Warren, her boyfriend… her ex. Her heart raced. He looked exactly the same. Had she really expected him to look different? If she did, she was mistaken.

Ben stood up. He looked nervous. But he smiled widely when he saw her and gave her a small wave. It was starting to get chilly. Miranda folded her arms across her chest and took him in. It had seemed like forever since she'd last seen him. His brown eyes still pierced her. They begged her for answers. Answers that she didn't yet have. He was wearing his favorite jacket, the one she'd bought him for his last birthday. It fit him just right. His dark blue shirt was slightly wrinkled, but it complimented his brown skin perfectly. And his blue jeans were loose without being baggy. Still handsome, she thought.

"Miranda," he started and the sound of his voice…. it had been so long. It made her heart flutter and she almost digressed from the speech that she'd written, rewritten and rehearsed. Every step that she took towards him was breaking her heart. And every step he took towards her was going to lead to him getting his heart broken. "Um, I-I was playing golf. And I-I can't apologize for it because it wasn't anything I did on purpose. I-I was just… I was playing golf," he said quietly. His face showed regret. "I missed you."

"You're-You're a good man. You are handsome," Miranda replied touching his chest. Her eyes were tearing. "And kind and smart. I mean, you're perfect. But, um, I'm busy holding myself together with tape and glue. And a piece of me wishes that you hadn't played golf, because then you'd be all taped and glued, too. And maybe you'd be where I am." He started to interrupt and took her hands, locking them and putting them to his chest. "I-You're… you're too much for me right now. 'Cause I'm busy with the tape and the glue." She was breaking down now.

"Alright," he said simply. But it wasn't simple at all. "Alright." He was still holding her hands. He looked deep into her eyes, possibly seeing that this wasn't something she wanted to do, but something that she felt like she had to do. He searched for answers. Nothing. He was backed into a corner. There wasn't anything that he could say to change her mind. "Take care of yourself."

"You, too," she said with a whimper. Ben lifted her palm to his lips and kissed it, sending a shock through her body. Wait, her heart was saying. Just wait. Her mind ignored the message. Ben smiled weakly and walked away. The tears flowed from her eyes as she watched him walk away. She felt the urge to run after him and retract everything she'd just said. She'd almost wanted to tell him that they could be friends, but she'd have kicked her own ass if she'd suggested that. She did want to be friends with him, but with Ben, it was all or nothing. And right now, she couldn't deal with either. She wasn't ready. The shooting had changed her and she didn't know if she'd ever be ready again. She cried as she stood and watched him. The night air helped dry her tears.


	2. Officially Missing You

**Officially Missing You**

Miranda sat in the locker room staring at the screen on her phone. It was a text message from Ben. It was the first one that she'd received after telling him not to contact her until she was finished putting herself back together. The man clearly couldn't follow instructions. She smiled at his persistence. **Miranda, I know Im supposed to wait until youre ready, but its been a little over 6 months & I just want to know how youre doing? How is Little Tuck? Im thinking about you. Always. I miss you. **Miranda stared at the message, reading and rereading it. She wanted to respond and tell him that she was doing alright. That Tuck was doing very well and that she missed him, too. Miranda tapped the screen and started to type out a response.

"Dr. Bailey?" Teddy said interrupting her and making her jump. "Oh! Sorry!" The awkward, blonde-haired cardiologist said.

"Yes, Dr. Altman. Teddy. How can I help you?" Miranda said stuffing her phone into her pocket, the message still unanswered.

"You're still coming out with us to celebrate Shepherd's awesome brain thing, right?" Miranda nodded. "Great. We're about to walk over now."

"Let me just, uh, grab my jacket," Miranda said. She stood up and grabbed her favorite purple jacket and followed Teddy out of the locker room.

After leaving their patients in the hands of their residents, Callie Torres, Orthopedic Surgeon, Mark Sloan, Head of Plastics and Teddy, Head of Cardio, along with Miranda who was a General Surgery Attending, walked to Joe's Bar, chatting away. Callie Torres, Miranda's best friend at the hospital, locked arms with her as they strolled. Teddy and Mark were walking back behind them. "Mark, stop staring at my ass," Callie said feigning annoyance.

"Tell it to stop looking at me," Mark responded, making Teddy laugh. Callie looked at Miranda and they rolled their eyes. "We're meeting Derek at the bar," Mark added referring to his best friend Derek Shepherd, Head of Neurosurgery. He'd just landed the grant that he would need for his clinical trial. And all the attendings were treating him to drinks at their favorite bar.

"Yeah, and Owen will be joining us soon," Teddy said talking about her closest friend.

They walked into the bar. "Hey!"

"First round is on me!" Miranda shouted and they headed to a table.

"What's everyone drinking?" The waitress asked. Miranda looked up to see that the waitress was also Cristina Yang, one of her most promising residents. During the shooting, she'd had to perform surgery at gunpoint and, after a while, she'd taken a break from surgery. "The first round is on the house."

"Hey! If everything is on the house, there'll be no house," the bar owner, Joe, called across the room.

"Right. Uh, never mind. I know exactly what to make," Cristina said and went back behind the bar. She came back to the table with seven blue drinks. "I call this the Early Onset Alzheimer's because you won't remember anything after you drink it." The attendings took a sip and choked on the drink.

"I'll have a scotch," Derek and Mark said at the same time. They slid their drinks to the middle of the table.

"I think it's delicious," Miranda said with a smile as she downed the first of many drinks.

The doctors sat in the bar for a few hours talking about love, sex and surgery. While going to the bathroom, Miranda felt a pair of eyes on her, too drunk to comprehend, she continued on her way. Back at their table, the doctors continued to talk about their many life problems.

After they paid their tabs, Miranda stumbled into the hospital and ran into another one of her residents, April Kepner. "Dr. Bailey!"

"I'm not here, you don't see me," Miranda responded. The girl helped Miranda into an empty hospital bed. The attending's phone started to ring and for a split second, Miranda hoped that it was Ben calling. Her heart fluttered as she looked at the number. "Ahh! It's the OR. Answer it, Kepner." Once April got off of the phone Miranda said: "Good, now give me my phone. I need to call Ben."

"Who's Ben?"

"My ex. I dumped him, which I now realize was a big mistake, so I want to call him. I want to call him and tell him I have needs," Miranda said reminiscing. There were so many things that she missed about Ben and his skills in bed were definitely high on the list. "'Cause he understood how to take care of my needs in a way my husband did not. I want to tell him that. So give me my phone." Miranda decided that she was going to answer the text message that she'd received earlier.

"Are you sure about that, Dr. Bailey?" Miranda closed her eyes and nodded. "'Cause drunk dialing never really ends well."

Miranda dismissed the girl, waving her off. She snatched the phone from the resident's hand. "Look, you are a virgin, so you don't understand. And even though you haven't met your Ben… yet. You will meet your Ben. Not my Ben, but your own Ben." Miranda paused. The drinks were taking a toll on her. "Who might or might not be called Ben." April nodded, taking in the advice from the drunk doctor.

Miranda shooed the red-haired girl out of the room while she clutched her phone. She was debating. Should she follow through on her feelings and call Ben or wait? She opened her phone and looked at the text message again: **I miss you.** Miranda closed her eyes as she thought and pretty soon she was asleep, the phone still in her hand, the cursor waiting for her response.


	3. White Horse

**White Horse**

"Nope, I'm not mad," Miranda said. She stepped out of her heels and walked up to Ben. He helped her unzip her dress. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said in her ear, sliding a hand down her back.

Her body shuddered, but she wasn't in the mood. "Anyway, I'm not gonna get mad."

"Good," Ben responded. He pulled off his tie and tossed it on their bed.

She turned her back to him and walked to the closet and pulled off her dress. "I'm not gonna yell or scream!"

"You are screaming." He was chuckling and he was pissing her off.

"I'm not!" She told him.

"Miranda," he said in a quiet voice.

"What?!"

"Mirandaaaa," Ben sang.

"Yes?" She asked twisting her lips.

"You wanna be mad? You wanna be angry, hunh?" She didn't answer. She wanted to smile, but she was still so heated. But he was standing there and he was looking so good. "Baby, you wanna scream?" Miranda rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "I can give you something to yell about. And you know I can make you scream," Ben said as he rushed to her and picked her up.

She squealed. Playfully, she pounded on his back. "Put me down, Ben Warren!"

"Shh, baby!" He said slapping her ass, turning her on. "You'll wake the kids… like last time." He dropped her on the bed and crawled on top of her taking off his shirt in the process. "Ba—iley? Dr. Bailey?"

Miranda smiled. "Hmmm?" She asked. She opened her eyes the tiniest bit. She was in an empty room in the hospital. She wasn't with Ben. She actually felt like crying and Miranda wasn't surprised when she felt tears prick her eyes. She'd been dreaming. Dreaming that she was still with Ben and everything was great. To find out that it was a dream hurt. It had felt so real. Miranda felt a hand on her shoulder. The touch really woke her up and brought her back to reality. She'd gone to Joe's. A resident had helped her… Her reality was coming back.

"Dr. Bailey? You're Dr. Bailey, right?" A voice asked. Why were they so loud?

"Kepner. Inside voice," Miranda said. With her eyes closed, she sat up in the bed.

"I'm not Kepner," the voice said. It was a deep voice, smooth. Nope, not Kepner.

"Ben?" Miranda's eyes popped open. Maybe… She was hopeful. She looked up into a pair of dark brown eyes on the face of a very handsome man. He was light-skinned and wearing light green scrubs. He was a nurse. And he was gorgeous. But he wasn't Ben. "Oh, s-sorry," she said as her heart fell.

"I'm Nurse Eli. Eli Lloyd," the man said. He smiled brightly at her. "Who's Ben?"

"No one," she answered with a sigh.

"Mmmhmm," he said, not believing her. "Well, I was walking past and I heard your phone ringing. I saw it was the hospital, so I answered it and it was Dr. Stark. Your residents were running wild and he was not happy about it."

Miranda stretched her arms and listened. "That's nothing new." The man laughed. It was such a sweet sound that Miranda had to really look at him. His smile was bright. She cocked her head to the side. "Leon, was it? Thanks for answering my phone, although no one asked you to. But I'm up now, so you can go back to doing whatever it was that you were doing."

"It was Eli, actually. And no problem." Eli turned around. "I'll see you around, Dr. Bailey," he said over his shoulder.

"I suppose," she mumbled as he walked out of the room. Miranda watched him through the window and when she could no longer see him, she lay back in the bed and closed her eyes.


	4. This Kiss

**This Kiss**

"Where is that blood?!" She asked standing over the cavity of a transplant patient. The patient was bleeding out by the second and they'd ordered the blood a lifetime ago. It should have been here by now.

"Here are your 10ccs of O-Neg, doctor. The person bringing it up tripped and the first batch fell all over the floor." She knew that voice. But from where?

"Keep the excuses to yourself, please," Miranda said as she received the blood. She could hear the nurse sigh deeply and walk out of the room. Miranda ignored them and kept working. "Okay, she's out of the woods. So, now… we wait."

Miranda threw her bloody gown and gloves into the bin and washed her hands thoroughly. She heard Aretha Franklin singing "Think" in her head as she washed. Someone cleared their throat. She kept washing. "Good afternoon," Miranda heard behind her.

"Good afternoon," she responded with no extra emotion.

"Look, I know you were in surgery and it was urgent, but your tone was rude."

Miranda shut the water off, dried her hands and turned towards the speaker. She recognized him. Something. Something Lloyd. "My tone was _rude_ because I asked for that blood and it took forever." She took a step towards him, so that he would know that she wasn't backing down.

He looked down at her and smiled. Miranda cut her eyes at him and crossed her arms over her chest. She glared at him. "What are you like 5'3 or something?"

"What are you like… an ass?" Eli laughed and Miranda relaxed and laughed as well.

He put out his hand. "I'm Eli. Lloyd."

"I remember. Miranda Bailey," she said shaking his hand.

"Do you now?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah, I do," she said going to the door.

"That's it?"

She stood still. "What?"

"I mean…" He grinned at her. He was giving her a look that she hadn't seen in a long time. "Go out with me, Dr. Bailey."

Miranda scoffed. "What? No. Absolutely not."

"Why?"

"Well… Well… I—," she stopped trying to speak.

"Why?" He asked again with a smirk.

"Because I'm in no position to be in a relationship."

"Are you single?" He was so forward that it was off-putting, but also exciting.

"Yeah, but—"

"So, your position isn't the problem." Miranda closed her eyes tightly. When she opened them, he was still there, still looking at her. "Look, I'm not saying a _relationship_. I'm saying go out with me. Maybe a little kissing, maybe a little over the sweater action."

She held up her hand. "See. You're dirty."

"Wanna be dirty with me?" He asked with a small spark in his eyes.

She shook her head, blushing. "I-I'm going to stop you there. Right there." She stopped talking.

"Well?"

"Well nothing. I'm not dating you or h-hooking up. Whatever. And I just got out of a relationship," she explained.

"Months ago." Bewilderment spread across her face. "Yes, I asked about you."

"Then someone should have told you that–" Eli stepped to Miranda and kissed her. She didn't accept the kiss until he touched her back, soothing her. She felt her body melt as he pulled her in. She managed to pull away, nearly breathless. "What… Wha… Why would you do that?"

Eli backed up to the wall. "Let me kiss you again and I'll tell you why." He winked at her.

She smirked. Miranda had to admit that she was intrigued with this Eli Lloyd. She was intrigued by his sharp jaw line and his dark brown eyes. Looking up, she could see them clearly, almost see herself in them. And the way he was now leaning on the wall was making her feel something. Something she hadn't felt naturally in a long time. "Okay."

"Okay?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay," she repeated. He lifted himself off of the wall and took one step in her direction. He waited for her to do the same thing. She didn't move. "Dr. Bailey, if—"

"Miranda."

"Right. Miranda." He took a deep breath. "It's okay. I was being flirtatious and dirty and I took it too far."

"No, I was just thinking that it's been a while since I've kissed anyone like that. I haven't done that in a very… long… time." Eli took another step towards her. She noticed that he was taller than Ben, but just as attractive. Very pretty. Stop, she warned herself. Stop comparing every guy to Ben. No more Ben. That was over. Eli put his arms around Miranda's waist, lifting her shirt a little. He leaned down to kiss her. "Hold on."

"Yeah?" He said. His voice deep.

"I don't want a relationship."

He nodded quickly and proceeded to kiss her deeply. Miranda slung her arms around his neck and fell into the kiss.


	5. You Remind Me

**You Remind Me**

Eli and Miranda walked hand in hand to the hospital from the parking lot. Tuck was at his father's house for the week and so Miranda was able to get some much-needed alone time with Eli. "Lunch?" He asked kissing her hand.

She nodded. They parted ways and Miranda strolled to the attending locker room. She changed into her scrubs. Her phone buzzed. A text message from Eli appeared on her screen. This is just to say that I'm thinking of you. Miranda smiled and her heart fluttered. They'd been dating for several weeks. He'd worn her down even though she told him at least once a week that she didn't want anything serious, that she didn't want a relationship. She didn't love him, but she did love that she had someone in her life who wanted to be with her. He hadn't actually said those words, but she felt it. Eli liked being with her. Miranda stood at the OR board and searched for her name and the OR in which she'd be performing her surgery. She saw the name of her patient, Prescott Wong. His surgery would be at 9:00 AM. Miranda saw her name under the word _Surgeon._ Her heart stopped when she saw "Warren, B." under Anesthesiologist. She blinked several times. She hadn't seen that name next to hers on the OR schedule in months. Maybe it was a mistake. "Bokhee?" Miranda asked the scrub nurse as she passed by. "Is this right?"

Bokhee nodded and smirked. "I guess he's not avoiding you anymore."

"What do you mean?" Miranda asked curiously. "He-he was avoiding me?" The nurse nodded. "Why? I mean… I suppose I know why, but why is he not—"

"Avoiding you anymore?" A voice cut in. Miranda looked to the voice and did a double take. It was Ben. She hadn't seen his face in ages. There were times when she'd thought that she'd seen him around a corner or in the cafeteria or at Joe's. Each time she'd been wrong. But here he was. In front of her. Talking to her. Miranda touched her chest, playing with the collar of her shirt. Her heart was pounding. "Morning. I'm in your OR today," Ben said casually. Miranda looked to where Bokhee had been standing. She'd disappeared.

"Yeah, I can see that."

"It's not gonna be a problem, is it?" Ben asked crossing his arms.

"No," Miranda said faintly.

"Good. Because I was avoiding you and now I'm not. See, I'm told you're dating a nurse and kudos to you, 'cause who doesn't love a nurse, but I've been bringing lattes to some dude in scheduling named Pierre so he'd keep me out of your surgeries." She started to say something, but Ben kept going: "You know, I wanted to make it easier for you since you told me you were being held together by tape… and glue." Miranda exhaled and smirked slightly. "But now that you're being held together by a male nurse, I'm gonna let Pierre go ahead and get his own lattes." Miranda looked at Ben, looked him in his eyes for the first time in months. Ben didn't shy away, he matched her gaze. Dark blue scrubs on his brown skin had always turned her on and it was no different now. The man was fine. What had they been talking about? "See you in surgery," Ben said and before she could respond, he'd turned and walked away. Miranda watched him strut. Even from behind he looked good. It almost mirrored the time she'd broken his heart all those months ago. Only this time, he wasn't defeated when he walked away, he was confident and his swagger put butterflies in her stomach.


	6. Nothing to Lose

**Nothing to Lose**

A few hours later, Miranda walked through the OR. She was relieved to see that Ben wasn't there yet. She scrubbed. When she went into the OR, he was sitting on a stool next to the sedated patient. Seeing him made her heart skip a beat. "Hi," she said in a bubbly voice. She wanted him to know that there were no hard feelings and that they could be friendly to each other.

"Hello," Ben said in an icy voice.

Miranda got the hint and started to work, only speaking when she needed to. "Okay, last stitch. That was quick, right?" Miranda said as she wrapped up the procedure.

"Hmmm," Ben said.

"Can I have the chart please?" Miranda asked as Ben tossed it on top of the machine. He seemed irritated. Miranda tried not to get angry. She faked a smile and reached for the chart. "Is there a problem?"

"Not that I'm aware of." He wrinkled his forehead. He was doing that on purpose. She found it sexy when he did that. And he knew it. Did he remember? He had to remember.

He stared at her and Miranda tried not to reach out to him, grab his face and pull him into a kiss. "I'm trying to be pleasant, but I don't owe you an explanation for the fact that I'm…" Her voice trailed off. For some reason, she didn't want to say it.

"Sleeping with a nurse," Ben offered. "I think that's what you're looking for."

"You and I broke up."

"I didn't want to," he said fiercely.

"Yeah, but—" She started.

"You basically told me to wait for you. You said it was too much. You couldn't handle a relationship. It wasn't me, it was you."

"That's not fair," Miranda said remembering all of the reasons she'd told him about why they couldn't continue their budding relationship. And all of the reasons she told herself. There was a shooting and she was traumatized. He was perfect, but she was a mess. A relationship would just burden her and she didn't want to burden him with her problems. "Look, I still can't handle a relationship—The kind of thing that you and I were considering—What I'm doing right now… is nothing like that," Miranda admitted to Ben and for the first time to herself. What she had with Eli wasn't a relationship. It didn't come close to what she had with Ben, didn't even make her feel the same way.

"Then what is it?" Ben asked snapping her out of her thoughts.

Now she was mad. He had no right to question her on her relationships or non-relationships or whatever. If she wanted him to know something, she'd tell him. "If you have a problem with me, take it up with Pierre." With that, she stormed out of the room.


	7. Where I Draw the Line

**Where I Draw the Line**

Miranda rounded on the rest of her patients with her residents. Although she taught them well, she was always impressed with just how much they knew and their talent made her job a lot easier. The three of them rushed off to do their work. She didn't need her residents for her last patient. She was just checking on him. Henry Burton. He was a patient in her clinical trial. He suffered from Von Hippel-Lindau, a condition which made tumors grow in his body. He was also Teddy's husband. And someone she'd gotten close to since he'd first come into the hospital. Miranda walked into the room to see that Eli was already there. "Hey!" She said excitedly.

"Hey yourself," he said squeezing her hip.

"Hey to you both," Henry said. Eli started to draw blood from Henry's arm. "Dr. Bailey, are you guys still coming to dinner tonight? The fish is marinating as we speak."

Miranda made a face. She'd totally forgotten. Eli watched her and smirked. "She forgot," he said to Henry. Eli checked Henry's pulse.

"Yeah. I did." She closed Henry's chart and turned to Eli. "Henry and Teddy invited us to a dinner party."

"Yeah, I gathered," Eli said. "Good thing Henry dropped by and brought up the marinade."

"Are you free? I mean, you don't have to come."

"Wow, Miranda. Best invite ever."

"This is my bad," Miranda said putting a hand to her forehead.

"It could be my bad," Henry said trying to help.

"Yeah, you both suck," Eli said pulling up the bed railing. He walked out of the room.

Henry looked at Miranda. "Sorry."

"No, it's my fault," she replied. She continued to talk to Henry about his progress. "Alright, I have to go." She started to leave and ran into Teddy who was on her way into the room.

"So, uh, I saw you checking out Ben earlier."

"Wh—What? I was not!" Miranda protested. Teddy and Henry looked at each other and smiled.

"So, will it just be you and Eli or will Ben's butt be joining us, too?" Teddy asked with a laugh. Henry joined in. Miranda looked at her and lowered her eyes. Teddy shuffled her feet and moved towards her husband. Miranda turned abruptly and walked out of the room.

While she silently fussed with herself at the nurse's station and looked over a few charts. Teddy came up behind her. "Hey, so seriously, is Eli coming or what? I heard you forgot to invite him."

"Why do people forget to invite people to dinner parties?" Teddy looked around nervously. "I have to break up with him," Miranda said quickly.

"Oh no. Oh no. Please don't do it at my dinner party," the blonde woman begged.

"When I broke up with Ben, he thought I was asking him to wait for me and then he did. So, apparently, I'm not clear enough. I'm poetic which, you know, I like to think provides clarity, but, in fact, may simply cloud the message."

Teddy nodded. "This is what I do. Use short phrases. Tell him: 'I'm ending this. All the best to you.' Got it? Good. And, uh, do it before the party, yeah?"

"What? No. And deprive the man of a meal that he's excited about because your husband couldn't stop going on about the fish?" Teddy's eyes widened. "I'll, uh, I'll do it tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. That's okay, right?"

"It's your choice. I think you should do it tonight, but either way, I'll see you later," Teddy said and she walked off, leaving Miranda with the same problem.

At the end of the day, Miranda got dressed and met Eli outside of the hospital. Seeing him leaning against the wall with a bottle of wine in his hand made her remember the day they'd kissed for the first time. "Hi." He took her hand, smiling at her as they walked towards his car. She started to panic and stopped walking. She turned to face the six-footer. "Okay. I…um, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I need to say something to you and I want to make sure that I'm clear. Because, apparently, I have been unclear in the past."

"You're ending this," Eli said to her. He stared her right in the eyes, daring her to lie about it. "Whatever this is, it's ending."

"Yes."

"Then, you're perfectly clear. You're the clearest person I've ever known. You do not have a clarity problem."

Miranda looked at him, confused. "I don't?" She wondered why Ben didn't get the same air of clarity that Eli was getting. Eli wouldn't wait for her. He knew it was over.

"No, you've been telling me you don't want a relationship everyday for weeks." He sighed. "And I've just been ignoring you because you're beautiful and different from every woman I've ever known. So, it's my fault. I should have walked away a long time ago." Miranda could only listen. "I can blame you for a lot of things, but lack of clarity isn't one of them."

Her emotions were starting to take over. "I'm… sorry," she said.

Eli didn't speak. He leaned down to kiss her cheek, his lips lingering for a second longer than normal as if he expected her to change her mind. She wanted to. She really wanted to like him and be with him, but it just wasn't right. He knew it and she knew it. He handed her the wine. "Enjoy the party," he said and he walked away.

Miranda paced back and forth. Finally, the guilt of stringing Eli along was off of her back. She'd only been using him and toying with him like a plaything. Often and enthusiastically, she might add. And while it'd been fun, really fun, it had come to a much-needed end. Honestly, she felt bad about it. But why, she wondered, had she decided to make up her mind about Eli today? She knew how she felt about him yesterday and the day before that and every day from the moment he kissed her. She sat down on the bench and questioned herself. She may not have been able to give others answers, but she could give herself some. She thought about calling her mom, but she knew her parents were on their eighth honeymoon and it was bad form to interrupt a honeymoon. The door opened and she looked up. It was the Chief of Surgery, Richard Webber. "Bailey," he said with a smile. He was so much like a father to her that he sensed that something was wrong. "Er, what's going on?" He asked sitting down next to her. She pushed the bottle of wine out of sight. The Chief was a recovering alcoholic and although he might not fall off the bandwagon by seeing the wine, she didn't want to take that chance. He smiled at her.

She sighed. "I broke up with Eli."

"Oh."

"It was never going to work out. It could never get serious. So, I had to end it. Right? I mean, I did make the right decision, didn't I?" The Chief didn't speak. He knew that she wasn't finished. "Because letting it go on any longer would be morally wrong and reckless … or, or something." Now she was finished.

"I think that you did what was best for you. Eli wasn't the right one." She turned to look at him. "I think you knew that it was okay while it was going on, but… ah, there something better out there for you, Miranda. Trust me," He looked up at the sky. "It's a beautiful night. Take it in. Go to the dinner party. Relax." Miranda tried to smile. "It'll be okay." He patted her knee and stood up. "Yeah, it'll all work out in what we old folks call 'the long run'," he said with a chuckle. Miranda smiled. "I'll walk you to the parking lot."

"No. I think I'm going to sit here and think about my transgressions." The Chief laughed again and waved goodbye. He walked away, humming.

Miranda took the advice of her mentor and looked up. The stars were gorgeous tonight and they were shining and slowly making her feel better. The door opened again and Miranda immediately recognized the stature of Ben Warren. "Dr. Bailey," he said strolling past her.

"Dr. Warren!" Miranda called out and she stood up and took a few angry steps in his direction. "Look, you're gonna hear about something because everyone around here hears about everything." He turned around slowly. Miranda's heart was pounding in her chest. "Eli and I have ended things and, for the sake of clarity, I would like to be extremely clear when I say it doesn't have anything to do with you. At all." Ben crossed his arms and smiled at her. "Are we clear?" He was still smiling and that damn smile was getting on her nerves and making her mad. "It doesn't have anything to do with you," she repeated again. Clarity.

Ben's face was showing his self-satisfaction and he bit his lower lip to keep from laughing. Damn it, he was so frustrating. No matter what she said, he'd think that her breakup with Eli was because of him. "Mmmhmm," he said turning around and walking away

"Ben Warren! I am being… very clear," she shouted to his back. He ignored her and kept going.

"Goodnight, Miranda Bailey. See you tomorrow," he said with a slight chuckle.

Miranda huffed. She picked up the wine, walked to her car and drove to the dinner party. She didn't want to be alone tonight.


	8. All We Ever Find

**All We Ever Find**

She knew it was a bad idea. She knew it from the moment it spilled out of Teddy's mouth. She tried to tell them that, but everyone dismissed her. That never happened. So many times she'd wished that people would learn to solve their own problems, figure out stuff for themselves, but they couldn't. They always came to her for advice. She was Miranda Bailey. And everyone listened to her and asked her opinion and followed what she said. She knew what she was talking about. But, lately… lately her world was upside down and so no one even bothered to ask if it the plan would work. "I wouldn't do it."

Henry had come into the hospital spitting up blood. His heart was failing and he needed surgery. Immediately. Teddy suggested Cristina. "We need another me and she is the closest thing we have." Miranda shook her head. "She's a robot. A machine. Just don't—just don't tell her that it's Henry."

Cristina performed the heart surgery flawlessly, to the best of her ability, but there was too much damage, too much bleeding and Henry Burton died. She flipped out when she was told that it was her mentor's husband.

Miranda had to find out the news just before she went into surgery on a kid who'd been in a car accident with his family; his father and sister were in ORs right next door. She was visibly upset, Henry had become a friend. After prepping the patient and herself for surgery, she walked in to see Ben sitting in the corner. She gave him a short smile. "Dr. Bailey, we meet again," he said smiling. His mood was definitely a change from their last surgery together. And any other time there would have been friendly banter between them, but today wasn't the day. She didn't want friendly banter; she wanted her friend to not be dead.

"Let's start," she answered. She worked with her resident, Meredith Grey, to fix the kid's major organs. She was solemn as she worked.

"Dr. Bailey," Ben said trying again. She glanced at him. "I heard you lost one of your clinical trial patients today. I'm sorry to hear—"

"It wasn't my trial that killed him," Miranda said curtly. "The man suffered from Von Hippel-Lindau. _That's_ what killed him."

"Well, I wasn't implying that your trial—"

She cut him off again. "Let's just focus on the living patients, the ones we can save, okay?" Suddenly, the machine started to beep and the child's temperature spiked. "What did you do?!" She asked her resident.

"Nothing! I was just irrigating," Meredith responded.

"C-O levels are through the roof," Ben said.

"Well, what's the problem?" Miranda asked locking eyes with him.

"Uh… he's tachycardic."

"Increased heart rate," Meredith said to the both of them.

Ben felt the child's head. "Damn it! Patient's burning up. I didn't use sucs, but I did use sevoflurane." He stopped talking and thought for a second. "Ice! We need ice."

"Now, wait a minute," Miranda interjected. "This is my patient—"

He ignored her statement. "Go get ice. NOW!" Ben told the intern who was standing by the door.

"Okay," the intern said and they scrambled out of the room.

"Alright, I'm pushing dantrolene," Ben said.

"Let's get some cooling blankets," Miranda said jumping back into the mix.

"On it," Meredith said.

"And turn the thermostat down in here as low as it will go," Ben said to the nurse.

"Right away, doctor," the nurse responded.

"Oh, my god. Malignant hyperthermia," Miranda said to Meredith as she came back with the blankets. "Where's that ice?!"

"Dr. Warren, isn't malignant hyperthermia genetic?" Meredith asked.

"You gotta warn them," Miranda told her resident.

"Already on it," Meredith said halfway out of the door. Miranda smiled. Meredith Grey was getting good. Really good.

"Shit!" Miranda cursed under her breath. She had her arms crossed over her chest and she was freezing. She could damn near see her breath it was so cold.

"Heart rate's coming down. His temperature's starting to stabilize," Ben responded.

She was grateful that he'd been in the room. She spoke softly. "Usually about the time you realize it's malignant hyperthermia, it's too late. Nice catch. You probably saved this kid's life."

"Yeah… probably," Ben said with a smile. Miranda tried not to notice how his eyes seemed to get brighter whenever she looked at them. "Figured you didn't need another patient dying on you today."

"Oh, so you did it for me?" She snapped.

"Oh, yeah," Ben said readjusting his chair. "Any other doctor, I probably wouldn't've said anything." He smiled at her and Miranda turned away so that he wouldn't see that she was smiling for the first time today.

"It's freezing in here," she said to no one in particular.

"Well, why don't you jump up and down?" Ben said. Miranda's eyes widened. He did not just say that! "That'll warm you up."

"I think I'll repair the liver. That'll warm me up," Miranda said looking at him, lowering her eyes. Ben was still smiling. She could tell because his eyes had gotten thinner. She wished that she could see his whole face. She sighed. "Suction."


	9. Love Makes Things Happen

**Love Makes Things Happen**

The patient was alive. He would be fine and it had been a good save. Miranda cracked her neck and walked out of the OR. She walked into a cafeteria lounge, one that was used by all hospital personnel. It was usually filled with people. There were always lines and people and noise and right now, she needed quiet. So she was thankful that everyone else was busy. Miranda grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down in the back of the cafeteria. She put her foot up and stared straight ahead. Henry was gone and Eli wasn't there to console her. She was alone. She'd messed up because she knew that he would have been there. She wouldn't admit it aloud, but she needed someone to talk to. Someone to hold her hand. Just… someone. Miranda took a sip of her coffee. Over the rim of the cup, she saw Ben coming into the room. Her heart skipped a beat. He had his own cup of coffee and a newspaper in hand. The crossword puzzle. She smiled inside when she remembered that he'd once said that it was his favorite thing to do besides making love to her. He sat down a few tables away. She took a deep breath. "I was rude to you before when you mentioned Henry." Her heart was pounding while she waited for his response.

"I'm used to it," he said simply. Miranda ran her finger around the top of the cup. "It's kinda your thing." Their eyes locked for the first time since he'd come in the room. "When bad things happen to you, you lash out. You want space. That's why I'm sitting way over here at my own table. I'm—I'm giving you space."

She averted her gaze. "I didn't just lose a patient today. I lost a friend."

"I'm sorry," Ben said. Even though she wasn't looking at him, he was looking at her. Miranda could feel his brown eyes on her. Waiting.

"I wouldn't mind if you didn't give me quite so much space," she told him gesturing with her left hand absentmindedly at the empty chair next to her. She left her hand on the table, balled in a fist. It was her turn to wait. She'd given him an invitation and didn't know if he would accept or not. She waited. Smoothly, Ben slid out of his chair and walked towards Miranda. He seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was taking him too long to get there, but she wouldn't rush him. There was a small smile on his face. He looked happy to be able to be there for her. He knew that she needed someone and he was that person. Ben sat down next to her, the chair creaking underneath him. This was the closest they'd been in a long time. There wasn't much distance between them at all. His eyes smiled at her and he took a sip of his coffee. Miranda closed her eyes and took a deep breath. With his free hand, Ben put his hand in hers, breaking the fist that she had been making. He looked at her, the corners of his lips curling into a bigger smile. He continued to work on his puzzle, still holding onto her. She looked down at their hands. His were so warm. And that warmth was spreading all over her body. She rubbed his knuckles with her thumb and looked at him, a small smile on her own face. He never minded being there for her; he was always caring and ready to give her a shoulder to lean. She shifted her body in his direction. Visions of Teddy and Henry flashed through her mind. They hadn't been married long at all, but Teddy had fallen in love with him and nearly missed the chance to confess her love. Miranda didn't want to miss another chance with Ben. She wanted to take another leap. The first leap had been dating him and falling for him in the first place, all that time ago. This one was harder. She had to swallow her pride and admit that while she didn't need a man, she wanted a man. And not just any man. Ben. She yearned for the connection that they'd shared and missed it every day that they were apart. "I've missed you, too," she said quietly as if others were listening.

"Too?" He asked confused.

"From your text message."

"That was so long ago. I wasn't sure that you'd gotten that," he said winking at her.

"I wanted to respond, but… I didn't know what to say." Ben held her hand tighter and she felt herself getting braver. "I di—didn't know what I could say."

He looked at her. "You don't have to say anything, Miranda."

"Yes, I do." He scooted his chair closer to her. Their legs were touching. Ben put his pen on the table and put his arm around her shoulders. Now her thoughts were getting all jumbled. "I do. I owe you a reason." So lost in their tender moment, Miranda and Ben didn't realize that the cafeteria had begun to fill up. "Come with me," he told her standing up. The surgeon allowed herself to be pulled away by the anesthesiologist. She'd follow him anywhere.


	10. Crazy For You

**Crazy For You**

Ben opened the door to an on-call room and they walked in. He flicked the lights on to see Callie in bed with Mark. Callie pulled the sheets over her head. "Oh God, Torres," Miranda said.

"Hey, Bailey," Callie said.

Miranda shook her head and looked at Ben. He was laughing. She hit him. "Don't you people knock?" Mark asked flipping on his back.

"Don't you people lock the doors?" Miranda responded. Mark made a noise.

"Maybe we should go," Ben suggested.

Callie started to giggle. "Stoooop, Mark."

"Yeah, let's go," Ben said and they left the room, turning the light back off. As they searched for another unoccupied room, Miranda's beeper went off. She'd been dreading this. The moment she'd have to let go of his hand. The last time she let go of it, it had taken forever for her to pick it back up. She looked at her device. The ER. "Go," he said.

She nodded and started to walk off. Ben still had her hand. He pulled her in for a kiss. "What was that for?"

"So you know what you're coming back to." Ben turned on his heels and left. Miranda smiled brightly and hurried to the Emergency Room. "What do we got?"

"James Strickland, 35, fell off the roof while cleaning the gutters."

"Alright, people," Miranda said to the residents who'd joined her. Meredith Grey, Alex Karev and Cristina Yang had been with her since they'd started at the hospital.

"Dr. Bailey, I think he needs an exploratory lap immediately," Meredith said.

The other residents looked at their attending. "You heard her," Miranda responded. Looking at her residents take control, Miranda was proud. "Page me when you get the results," she called to their backs. She looked around before walking out of the room. Two of her original residents weren't there. One, Izzie Stevens, was gone, no one knew where and Miranda was sure she was never coming back. The other, her favorite, George O'Malley, was killed a few years back. That little hero, Miranda thought. To be honest, when he'd first arrived, she didn't think he'd last but a year. No one did. But he proved her wrong. He'd proved everyone wrong. He was the one who'd helped deliver her son 6 years ago. He was her friend. Like Henry was her friend. She'd lost them both. Her sadness was coming back thinking about those who were no longer here. While she walked out of the Emergency Room, her pager went off. She wanted to toss the damned thing into the nearest garbage can. Instead she made her way where James Strickland was with her residents.

"His BP is dropping, Dr. Bailey," Alex said to her over the chaos.

"I can't—I don't see what the problem is," Meredith told her.

"I have the results," an intern said running into the room.

"It's pericardial effusion," Cristina said.

"Let's get him into surgery," Miranda told them. "Yang, Altman's… busy, so you and Grey are taking point on this."

"Let's move!" Grey said and they marched the patient out of the room.

By the end of the day, James Strickland was recovering in his room. His heart had been repaired and he was joined in his room by his wife and four kids. "Thank you, Dr. Bailey," his wife said to her.

"Don't thank me," Miranda said smiling. She gestured to her residents. "They did all of the work."

"Yes, I already thanked them, but I'm thanking you because you helped train them and they saved my husband's life."

Miranda nodded and walked out of the room. She passed by the Nurse's station. Bokhee was sipping coffee and looking through a file. "Hey, Bokhee," Miranda said quietly, leaning over the counter. She looked left and right.

"Hey, Bailey," the nurse responded.

"You, um, haven't seen Dr. Warren, have you?" Miranda asked trying to sound casual.

Bokhee looked at her. "I hear you two are back together."

"No, we're not? I mean, no we're not. How could you know that?" She asked her friend.

"The same way I know that Teddy just found out that Cristina performed surgery on Henry and that Henry… is dead." Bokhee dropped her head. Miranda sucked in her cheeks. "I'm sorry; I know he was your friend. I liked Henry. We all did. He was handsome and funny and sweet and he'll be missed." Miranda nodded. "And, uh, Dr. Warren is right behind you," the nurse said pointing.

"Thanks." Miranda turned around and came face to face with Ben. She smiled a real smile. "Hey, I was looking for you," he said smiling back at her.

"I was looking for you," she said.

"Can we talk?" He asked glancing at Bokhee.

"Sure. Sure. Y-yeah. Of c-course. Talk," she stuttered.

"I'll meet you in the lobby in twenty minutes."

"Yep," she said popping the 'p'. Miranda opened her eyes wide and stared at Bokhee. "Did that sound good or bad?"

Bokhee shrugged her shoulders. "Go, get dressed. Talk to him and let me know. Or don't, but…" She stopped talking and smirked.

"You'll find out anyway," Miranda finished and walked away with the sound of Bokhee's laugh ringing in her ear.

Miranda sat in the lobby. She choose a seat near the front. From it, she could see people who were coming in and going out. Her level of nervousness rose with every minute that she waited for Ben. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans and inhaled sharply when she saw him walking towards her, his messenger bag slung on his shoulder. He sat down next to her and pushed some hair out of her face. "Hey." Miranda waved. "Um, h-how's Tuck doing?" Ben asked.

Miranda smiled inside. Even though they'd been broken up for a long time, he still cared about her son. It was then that she felt bad that she'd stifled the growing relationship between Ben and Tuck. Ben was a great role model. "He's good. Really good," Miranda said slowly exhaling.

"Good. Um, is he with Tucker or do you have to get him?"

She shook her head. "He's with T-Tucker." Ben nodded. "Look, Ben…"

"Not here," he said. He stood up. "On neutral territory. Get in your car and follow me."

"Okay," she said quietly. Miranda got into her white Audi and pulled out of the park, tailing Ben's black Mercedes. She followed him to a parking lot a few miles away. It was empty. Ben got out of the car and gestured for her to do the same thing. Silently, Ben took her hand and led her up a few hills. She was not a fan of hiking, he knew that, but she wasn't going to complain. They didn't say anything while they walked. It was only when they'd stopped walking that Miranda finally noticed the huge book bag on Ben's back. "What's that for?" Ben didn't answer. He sat the bag down and opened it up. He pulled out a comforter, she recognized it. They'd made a lot of memories on it. He also pulled out a few granola and candy bars, chips and a couple of bottles of water and Gatorade. Miranda watched him, engrossed. He'd raided the attending locker room. She smiled and helped him lay the blanket down. "Ben… what is all this?"

"This is a blanket," he said pointing to the black and grey comforter that was on the grass.

"Funny. You know what I mean."

"Here. We can talk here." He gestured for her to sit down.

She sat down on the blanket and leaned back on her hands. She looked up at the night sky. The sun had gone to brighten the other side of the world and the moon had taken over. The stars shined and, although it was a little chilly, she was good. He sat right next to her, not touching her. "You know this isn't neutral territory, right?"

He smiled and leaned back on his own hands. "Yeah, I know." They listened to nature, silent. His eyes pierced her. "Miranda."

"Wait," she said. She let out a quiet chuckle. "Let me get this out before I lose my nerve." He nodded and sat up straight. She sat up, too and crossed her legs, turning to look at him. "I, uh, like I said before, I owe you an explanation." She paused and looked at him.

"This is the part where you say something." He gave her an encouraging grin.

A nervous smile inched across her face. It was so easy with him. She was never worried that she was going to say the wrong thing. No eggshells. Just truth. She took a deep breath: "I was scared. There was the shooting and Charles died… in my arms. He died in my arms. And so I ran. Because I was scared," Miranda said tearing up. Ben moved closer to her. A tear fell from her eye. He crossed his legs and positioned himself directly in front of her. Their knees were touching. Something so nonsexual was turning her on. Ben put a hand on her thigh. She inhaled. That touch. His touch. How had she gone so long without it? It was rejuvenating her body by the second, making her more courageous. "And you were there, b-but you weren't _there_ and I was resentful." Ben took her hands in his. "And you were perfect and understanding, but I couldn't handle it. And then I was alright. I was okay." Miranda exhaled, puffing her cheeks a little. "But I couldn't figure out how to repair what I'd damaged even with the tape and the glue." Ben smiled at her. Miranda bit her bottom lip slightly. "Us." She closed her eyes for a second. "I didn't know how to fix us." Ben leaned in. "It wasn't… it wasn't my intention to break your heart." He nodded. "To break my own heart. It hurt losing you, Ben." He put his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry." Miranda thought she could see him mouthing words. She closed her eyes again, a few more tears fell down her face. "I loved you," she admitted. "I did. I did. I mean, I do. I—I… I love you." Miranda opened her eyes and was relieved to see Ben smiling. She wiped her eyes and smiled as well.

Ben lifted her chin and kissed her softly on the lips. Her body trembled. "I know."

Miranda scoffed. "I say all of that and your response is: 'I know'?" She asked.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked. Miranda shrugged her shoulders. Looking into his eyes, she realized that everything she'd told him had been true. She did love him. Did he love her? She thought that he did, but it had been a long time. Maybe he'd moved on. She shrugged again. "Something like I've missed you every day since we broke up and I wrote you so many messages and emails and letters that I couldn't bring myself to send because I wanted you to heal. I didn't want to pressure you." Miranda couldn't stop her hand from reaching out and touching his cheek softly. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, pressing his lips to her palm. There was the twinge of a small shock and they both smiled. "And I wanted to keep my distance so you didn't push me away anymore. Or do you want to hear about how much it pained me to see you with someone else?" Miranda saw his eyes start to water. "Maybe you want me to tell you how much I wanted to be with you even after all that time and heartbreak and—"

Miranda leaned in and kissed him. She pulled him closer, intensifying the kiss. They both came up on their knees, their bodies together. Ben rubbed her back, holding her tightly. Miranda's body recognized his touch and caved in his arms. Every inch of her wanted him, desired him. "I love you," he said as they pulled away. Her breathing was deep and her heart was racing. She could see his chest moving in the moonlight. "I love you so much, Miranda. And I've wanted to say that for so long." Miranda was speechless. Ben looked at her and she blushed. "Your lips are still soft and so luscious," he told her. She smiled. "Even better than I remember."

"Well, how much do you remember?" Ben started cheesing, his grin wide. "Oh, boy!" Miranda said pushing him playfully. He fell down dramatically and pulled her down on top of him. She put her hand on his chest and they kissed again. He massaged her back as she stroked his head. The wind blew, making Miranda shiver. She sat up and Ben got behind her, his legs outlining hers. She laid her back on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. She was starting to warm up. He kissed her cheek. "What's on your mind, Miranda?"

"I'm just… well, I'm wondering if you've forgiven me," she said turning around to face him. "I know you love me, but have you forgiven me for… everything?"

He stared at her and smirked. "If the roles were reversed, would you forgive me?" Ben's question lingered in the air for a long time.

If she were a different person, she would have forgiven him. She would have understood if he needed to run. But if she found out that he was sleeping someone else, she would have been mad. "I don't… I don't know."

"I like your honesty." He reached out and ran a few fingers up and down her arm. "But, um, listen. I'm not going to pretend that what you did didn't hurt, Miranda." She started to reply, but he put a finger to her lips. "Just listen. I understood why you ran. I mean, anyone would. Something bad happened, you were scared, but then you dump me." She put her head down. He shook his head a little and put his hand on her chin, lifting it, so that she was looking right at him. "You didn't give me—us a chance. And I thought about it and thought about it and even though it was _never_ okay with me, I understood." Miranda stayed quiet. Her heart pounded in her chest. Ben was finally able to tell her how he felt about the entire situation; he wasn't holding back. So she listened. "Then you come back and you're hooking up with someone and not just someone a nurse! I remember you were heated when you saw me _talking_ to a nurse. Remember that?" Miranda watched the face of the man in front of her. His nostrils were flaring and his voice, although not loud, was upset. Scratch that, he was pissed off. And it was turning her on. She felt bad that he was upset and she knew that it was her fault, but watching him, all she could think about was taking him down on the hard grass. Ben was starting to yell now. "And not just any nurse, but the most obnoxious nurse I've ever worked with! The guy's a complete jerk!" He exclaimed. "That's who you choose over me?" Ben scoffed. "It was like—y-you just… you didn't trust me. You didn't think that I could handle your meltdown or handle what you were going through and then you get with him?!" Ben shook his head, trying to calm down a little. "I thought sex wasn't something that you got into lightly?"

She waited a beat before she answered. "I don't." They stared at each other, not speaking, not touching.

"Then why him?"

"It wasn't about _him_ ," Miranda said turning back around. Ben put his strong arms around her. She could feel his heart beating.

"Go on."

"It wasn't 'Oh, I like Eli. I want to date Eli. Let me hook up with Eli'. I got with him because I was trying to fill a void—"

Ben cut her off. "How'd that go?"

"I'm with you right now, aren't I?" Ben held her tightly and kissed the back of her head. "I was trying to get over you and I failed. It didn't work." Ben kissed her neck. They were quiet for a long while. "So answer my question."

"What question?"

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes," he whispered into her hair. He kissed her head.

She nodded quietly. "So does this mean what I think it means?" She grabbed his arms. Being back in Ben's arms was making Miranda feel better and she didn't just want him to comfort her because Henry was dead. She wanted him there, always in her corner. He meant so much to her and she loved him, really loved him.

"What do you want this to mean?" He asked volleying the question back to her. And even though Miranda couldn't see him, she knew that he was smiling. He was making her work for it. She wanted to be with him and he knew that. It was no secret. It was written all over her face. She was pretty sure that he wanted the same thing, but he was making her say it, making her ask him. He was paying her back. Ben kissed her head again and waited. It was so quiet. She could hear bugs flying by and water babbling. She sighed. She had to do it. It was now or never. But how should she ask? Should she be blunt about it, being direct and saying exactly what she wanted? Or should she be coy and shy, only hinting at what she wanted until Ben gave in and filled in the blanks? Another sigh turned into a yawn. "Tired?" He asked. She nodded. "So?"

"I guess—No." Ben looked confused. "I mean, I know that…"

"That what?" He asked prodding her. The question was right on the tip of her lips. But she found herself choking up. She cleared her throat. "Do you want some water?" Miranda shook her head.

"I want you, Ben," she blurted. She wondered if Ben could hear her over the sound of her heart beating so quickly and loudly.

Ben put his lips on her neck and kissed it slowly. "Anything else?"

"I… miss you," she said softly as he held her tighter. He moved to the other side of her neck. A small sound escaped her lips. He still had the power to make her body quake. She turned her head to the side. "And I w-want us be together." The way he was kissing her was making it hard for her to convey her thoughts to him. She moved away from him, stood up and took a few steps towards the view, putting her hand on the railing. She hadn't noticed that from where they were, they could see all of Seattle. The lights spread across the city, mirrored the sky. She looked back up at the sky. She could smell him, his cologne, he was coming up behind her. "Where are we? What is this place?"

"A place I come to when I need to think. 'Devil's Platform'. I come up here, pitch my tent and just be."

"It's nice." They were quiet for a long time. "Is this where you escaped to the first time my parents were in town and you said that you couldn't meet them because you had a 'prior engagement'?" She asked using quotation marks. Ben laughed. "You little… ugh."

"And where I came when you broke my heart." Miranda looked away. She couldn't face him. She felt Ben's hands on her shoulders. He turned her around. "And I want to be with you, too."

"You do?" She asked him.

"Of course," he answered with a chuckle. "Why do you think I brought you out here?"

"To talk?"

"More like to get you back in my arms and to get you to fall back in love with me."

She pursed her lips. "First of all, Ben Warren, I wasn't in love with you."

"Ooh, but you were… you are," he told her. He placed her arms around his neck and settled his arms around her waist. Miranda chuckled quietly. "Well, even if you can't admit it, just know that I'm in love with you." He leaned in with a smile and started to kiss her. It was full of electricity. Her hands wandered over his body. Ben's hand pushed up her shirt a little. His hands were on her bare stomach moving downward.

"Hold on, hold on," she said pulling away.

"What?" She didn't say anything. "Miranda!" She loved the way he said her name. And the fact that he was starting get frustrated was turning her on again. She couldn't wait until they went to his place or hers.

"Yeah?"

"Why are we waiting?" A smile broke across her face. He kept going. "Because unlike you, I haven't had any sexcapades in a long time. I couldn't find a nurse to hookup with." She beamed. To say the least, she was relieved. Ben could have any woman in the hospital. Or outside of it. He was just the kind of guy that had every woman swooning and wishing that he'd just look at them and flash that smile. Miranda was a lucky woman. She laughed while sending thanks to God that he hadn't found a nurse. "Laugh all you want," he said looking down at her. He lowered his voice as if there were other people around. "But, uh, there are things that you can do to me that I just can't do to myself." Miranda's mouth dropped open. "I've been solo for a long, long time."

"How long?" Now she was curious. He did say that he'd waited for her, but had he really waited all of that time?

"Let's just say that if I don't have you, I will explode." He kissed her cheek.

"Well, that's not my problem," she said laughing and detaching herself from him. She walked back to the blanket and started to pack the bag up.

"But it will be your fault when I'm cranky and irritable," he called to her back.

She waved him off. "You're always cranky and irritable," Miranda commented. "That's nothing new." She kneeled on the comforter and started to fold it. "Ahhh!" She screamed as Ben gently tackled her, knocking her back on to the grass. He was on top of her, hovering over her. She knew every nook and cranny and muscle of his body in this position. If she ran her finger along his side, his body would twitch. Ben leaned down to kiss her. She slid her finger along his side and felt his body shake. She smiled. He looked down at her. She bit the corner of bottom lip. Ben's body was less than an inch from hers. She pushed up the back of his shirt and jacket. She wondered if he still—

She scratched his back lightly. "Oh my God, Miranda," Ben called out. "You are driving me crazy," he whispered in her ear.

"I know," she confirmed. She could feel him growing hard on top of her. And it was no disrespect to the etiquette that a _lady_ follows, but if it wasn't chilly and the ground wasn't so hard and so cold, she'd have her way right then, right there. Every whisper in her ear was driving her crazy and every touch was making her insane. She pushed him off of her.

He fell on his back, putting one hand behind his head "I know you're cold, come here." He held out his free arm and Miranda snuggled next to him. Their bodies created warmth and Miranda felt herself getting sleepy. Ben yawned. "I'm so glad we're back together," he said suddenly.

"Me… too."

"Don't walk away from me again."

"Technically, uh, you're the one who walked away." She closed her eyes.

"True. So let me rephrase my statement. Don't push me away again," he said strongly and certainly.

She nodded. "I'll try."

"Seriously, Miranda. Because it hurt to have to walk away from you knowing that there was nothing I could do to change your mind."

"Okay. I won't push you away. No matter what happens."

"You promise?" He asked kissing her cheek.

She nodded. "I promise."


	11. Emotions

**Emotions**

When she felt herself dozing off, she asked Ben if they could leave. "Okay. But wait. Just take in this view one more time. Look at it," Ben said to Miranda. She nodded and they walked back to the railing. He stood behind her and pointed in the direction of their houses. "And you might be able to see the hospital. Do you see the—"

"I see it!" she exclaimed. After talking a little while longer, the cold air was getting a little unbearable for her, but she held her tongue. "Oh my goodness!"

"What? What?" He asked looking concerned.

"No. It's—I didn't even ask, or care for that matter, if you were seeing anyone. I know you said you hadn't had sex in… a long time," she said rushing the words out. "But that doesn't mean you're not seeing someone." She put her hands to her mouth. What if he was dating someone? But he's kissing me, she thought.

His hands were on her waist. "Miranda, you know me, right?"

"I like to think so."

"Alright. Am I seeing anyone?" She didn't answer. "Exactly. I'm not that guy."

"And what guy is that?" She asked leaning her body back into his.

He made a little noise. "Look if I'm feeling you. I'm feeling _you._ That's it," he said touching her chin.

She chuckled. "So is that a yes or a no?"

Ben's face was serious. "You're not listening." Miranda looked at him, trying to see the truth in his eyes. You're the only woman I want." He leaned down and kissed her lips. He pulled back a little and leaned in again. His tongue grazed her bottom lip and he stuck it in her mouth, kissing her passionately. She moaned softly. "Does that answer your question?"

She pulled away and smiled. "I suppose."

"You suppose?" He tickled her side. "You suppose, huh?"

She laughed loudly, hearing a slight echo. "Okaaay. Okay, Ben Warren."

"Okay," he said finally, kissing her cheek.

She took his hand and walked along the edge of the cliff, touching the railing with her free hand.

"Do you wanna lay back down? Hang out here?" He asked making a face. He was pushing it and he knew it. He already knew the answer.

Miranda hesitated as if there was a possibility of her saying _yes_. Then she thought about it. On one hand, she did want to lie in his arms and breathe him and kiss him in ways that she'd missed doing for months. But, she also didn't want bites that didn't involve Ben's mouth on her body and… "Where is the bathroom?" She asked. Ben made another face. He jerked his head towards the woods. "See. No, I've seen what happens when you pee on bushes."

"What happens?"

"You get poison oak where noooobody wants to get poison oak," she told him remembering the time she had to apply calamine lotion between the legs of Addison Montgomery, a good friend of hers.

Ben roared with laughter. "Personal experience?"

"Doesn't matter," she said rolling her eyes at him. "I'd just rather go home."

"Home?" He asked looking away for a second, trying to hide his disappoint.

"Yeah," she said looking up at him. "With you."

Ben smiled. "Let's go."

Miranda put her key in the door to her house, her hand was shaking. Even though it wasn't, everything with Ben felt new. And she was nervous. What if nothing was the same? What if they didn't still have the same fire? Yeah, he said that he missed her and he was still an unbelievable kisser, said that he loved her and he could make her body ache, but… She took a deep breath and unlocked the door. The house was silent and dark. She usually left a TV on or something. A little noise, so she wouldn't get scared coming back to a silent and dark house like she was now. Had she forgotten? She was glad that Ben was there. "You didn't leave a light on or a TV?" He asked her curiously.

She turned in the direction of his voice. "I usually do."

"I remember," he said. Miranda was about to switch on a light. "Hold on," he said holding onto her hand. She waited. "Let me give the house the onceover." He couldn't tell, but she was nodding. She heard Ben move in the darkness quickly along the first floor of her house, checking all of the rooms. Then, the stairs creaked under his weight. "Alright!" He called to her from the top of the stairs.

She turned on the living room and hallway lights. "Okay, and turn on a—" she started, but she stopped talking when she noticed that she could see two lights on upstairs. "Thanks, Ben." He looked at her and licked his lips unceremoniously.

She sat her purse down and tossed her keys into a bowl that was on the table. She sat down in the long chair that faced her TV. Ben's eyes watched her every move. Patting the space next to her, she kicked off her shoes. Ben sauntered over, taking off his jacket. He sat next to her. "Hey."

"Hi," she said quietly. Ben put an arm around her and Miranda's stomach did flips.

He glanced around. "It feels different."

She followed his gaze around the room. "It is different. This room used to be brown."

"Right. Blue's your favorite color. It's cute."

She nodded. "I changed some other stuff, too." He looked at her. "Do you… want to see it?"

"Sure."

She gave him a tour of her transformed house. So much had changed since he'd last been there. Everything was light and airy. Nothing dark. She'd had enough with the dark side of things. "Wow," he said when they went into the kitchen. Upstairs in her guestroom, he'd only said: "Nice." Miranda was a little worried. Ben was only using one syllable words. And if the next word he uses is 'cool,' I'll choke him, she thought. What was wrong with him? Back at 'Devil's Platform' everything had been perfect, but now they were moving around each other like strangers. In Tuck's room, she mentioned how she and Tuck had decided to switch the theme from 'The Lion King' to 'The Ninja Turtles'. "Cool."

Miranda rolled her eyes and whipped around to face him, making him jump. "What is your problem?" Miranda fought the urge to smile at his genuine surprise. He hadn't expected her to do that.

"Excuse me?"

"Sure. Wow. Nice. Cool." She mimicked him.

Ben scratched his head. She waited. "We're back together." She nodded slowly. "And this is official?" She widened her eyes and scoffed. "I'm your boyfriend and you're my girlfriend."

She sucked her teeth. "Ben Warren, we are not in elementary school. Yes, we're dating, together, whatever."

"Just being… clear." He took a step towards her.

"Don't make a big deal out of it," she said quickly.

Putting his arms around her, he smiled fully for the first time since they'd arrived at her house. "Last question."

"What is it?" She sighed. She was pretending to be annoyed, but she was delighted that they each knew where they stood with each other. Knew that they were back together and they were Miranda and Ben again.

"Are we starting from the beginning? Everything fresh and new. Or are we picking up where we left off?

She thought about it for a second. Ben's hands slowly massaged her back. "We can't do either. So much has happened, right?"

"Exactly. But I don't want to start at the beginning."

"Me either."

"Good, so should I be trying to get to know you again or do I already know you?"

"I don't understand," she said making a face.

"Okay." Ben lowered his voice. "Am I supposed to pretend that I don't know that you get weak in the knees when I kiss your neck?" Miranda's heart skipped. She bit her lip. He whispered in her ear. "Huh?"

"Both," she managed to get out.

"Sounds confusing and exciting all at the same time." She didn't respond. "Can I see your bedroom now?" She nodded. Miranda grabbed his hand, leading him to her room. It was now blue-green. "No more purple."

"No, I wanted to try something brighter."

"I love it. Sweetheart," he said. "Sweetheart" was his term of endearment for her. One of many.

"I love it, too, baby," she said easily. It just came back to her. This was going to work. Miranda started to get undressed. Ben took off his belt. "No, no, no," she said laughing. "I'm putting on my pajamas."

"Oh. I thought…"

"Yeah, I know what you thought, but no," she stated pointing at him.

"No?"

"Not now."

"Not now?"

"Stop repeating everything I say."

"Everything I say," Ben said and they laughed. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited for her to change.

After changing into a pair of shorts and a tank-top, she got into the bed. She was really tired. And she had to be up early in the morning. She yawned loudly. "Sorry about that."

"That's okay," he said turning to look at her. "Mind if I join you?"

"Please," she responded sincerely. She was so nervous. Why did it feel like it was the first time they'd ever been in bed together or alone in her house? Ben slid next to her and she found herself cuddling up to him, putting her head on his chest. "I missed this."

"Me, too," he said stroking her head. Neither doctor spoke for a while. "Sorry again about Henry." Miranda nodded. She inhaled sharply, a lump appearing in her throat. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. Ben turned on his side, forcing Miranda to do the same thing. He looked at her. "Do you want to talk about it?" No answer. "Miranda, do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd just visited him the day before," she said suddenly. A few tears fell onto her pillow. "H-he was fine. I thought—we thought he was getting better." Ben didn't interrupt. "Maybe it was my trial that—"

"Nope. You're not going to get down on yourself." He moved closer to her, putting some loose hair behind her ear. "You did everything you could. You understand me? You did everything you could for Henry."

"I did. I'm in the lab everyday trying to… I'm trying." Ben kissed her nose and she swallowed hard. "Can you stay the night?"

"Of course. Whatever you want." Ben slipped out of the bed and took his shirt and pants off and threw them on the chair in the corner of the room. Miranda nodded. When he got back into the bed, she turned away from him. Falling right back into their routine, Ben moved behind her, pressing his body against hers. She closed her eyes and sighed. How many nights of being wrapped up in his arms did she miss? It didn't matter because she was there again. And she was happy. Ben kissed the back of her head. "Goodnight, Miranda."

"Goodnight, Ben."


	12. History in the Making

**History in the Making**

Miranda woke up in the morning with sunlight streaming on her face. She closed one eye and looked around for Ben. There was no sign of him, so she'd probably been dreaming again. Damn! She put her head back on the pillow. So, she hadn't talked to Ben and hugged him, touched him and kissed him? They hadn't gotten back together and confessed their love for each other? And she didn't tell him why she ran from him and how sorry she was? It had taken a lot of courage to do that. She didn't think she could do it again. Miranda put her hands over her eyes and sighed deeply. These dreams were too real. A voice cut into her thoughts: "Miranda?"

She took her hands down saw Ben standing at the foot of her bed with a bag and two coffees in a container. "Ben Warren?"

"Are you alright?" Ben walked to her dresser and put down the stuff.

"Umm… I'm not sure." She said. Miranda pulled the covers up to her chest.

He sat down on the edge of the bed. "Say more."

"Did we talk last night?" He nodded. "And you forgave me?" Ben nodded again and slid closer to her. "And we k-kissed?"

"We sure did," he said winking. Miranda blushed. Ben was slowly inching towards her.

"And—"

"And you promised that you wouldn't push me away again." He removed the covers from her body, throwing them off of the bed. Miranda's heart was pounding in her chest; the sound was ringing in her ears. "And I told you that I was in love with you." He moved between her legs. Miranda grabbed his head while he kissed her legs. She closed her eyes. "What time do you have to be in?" He was above her knees now, kissing her inner thighs.

She glanced at the clock on her nightstand. "Umm… I think… I think… What'd you say?"

"Time," he growled looking up at her.

"9 o'clock."

Ben nodded and his beard grazed her thigh. "How time does that give us?" She nodded. Ben chuckled and brought his face to hers. He kissed her deeply. "I said how much time does that give us?"

"One, um, one hour."

"Wanna have some fun?" He asked. Miranda bit her bottom lip and stared at him. She didn't respond. "You missed me?" With her hands around his neck, she just looked at him. It was no dream and she wanted to savor the moment. "Miranda?"

"Yeah, baby. I did," she said.

"You're so gorgeous."

"Thank you," she told him and she grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

Ben retaliated by placing his lips on her neck, making her moan softly. "Feels good?" He asked.

"Of course."

"Then smile for me," he said kissing her chin.

Miranda's lips curled into a smile. "I just missed you. That's all," she said in his ear, making him shiver. He kissed her chest and goose bumps appeared on her body. She squirmed.

Taking that as the go ahead, he moved back between her legs. "Is that all?" He asked, pushing her shorts to the side and putting his tongue on her body. She put her head back and stared at the ceiling. His tongue swirled and circled, making her moan and whimper. This act was nothing new to them, but he was making her entire body heat up. She could feel the sweat on his forehead. She hadn't felt this good in a long time. Miranda pulled him up for a kiss. Her tongue was back in his mouth, he pulled back and smiled. She could see him clearly; the sun coming into the window was providing a spotlight over their bodies. He raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled and she kissed him again. He moved back down her body so slowly that Miranda wanted to scream, but she stayed patient. Trying to push his head down discreetly. "In a hurry?" He asked sensing her frustration.

"Yes," she said with a laugh. Miranda put a leg on his shoulder. Between her legs, he looked up at her. He was squinting. The sun. It was aggravating him, but the way it was hitting his eyes was turning them into a light brown. He winced. He hated it. She loved it. It made him more beautiful than he already was. "Keep going," she demanded. He nodded, licking his lips. He kept looking at her. Miranda felt a sensation in her body and her body writhed to the feeling. She curled her toes as she started to climax. Her body rocked and her legs quaked. She moved her hand to help and he pushed it away, shaking his head. "Oh my God!" He was still looking at her and now he was grinning. He shuffled his body as hers convulsed, he used his hand and his mouth as Miranda orgasmed. "Ben! God! Oh God!" She whined. Ben came up for another kiss leaving a hand below to finish the job. Her body shook, "Oh God! Yes! Yes!" A single tear fell from her eye from her tightly closed eyes. He laughed in her mouth and fell on his back. "Shut up." His laugh was contagious and Miranda started to laugh as well. Her breathing was staggered. "I… don't like… you," she managed to get out.

"Mmmhmm," Ben said picking up her hand. He kissed it.

"I don't. I don't." She threw her hands up. "I know I said I did, but…" Her voice trailed off. She had to catch her breath.

"I don't. I don't." She threw her hands up. "I know I said I did, but…" Her voice trailed off. She had to catch her breath.

"You don't," he said finished her statement with a laugh.

"Exactly."

Ben kissed her cheek, rubbing his nose on her face. "Actually, if I remember correctly, you said that you loved me," he countered.

"Well, I lied," she blushed.

"Okay." He asked running a hand along her stomach, touching her stretch marks, slowly. Eli never paid them any attention. He ignored them, pretending that they weren't there. "Anything else, sweetheart?" Her heart fluttered.

"Yes." He waited, looking at her out of the corner of her eye. She smiled. "I don't like you," she repeated with a giggle.

Ben turned on his side and put a hand under his head. "What'd I do?" She cut her eyes at him; then a smile broke across her face. "Oh that? Shit, Miranda," he said climbing on top of her. "Then get ready to hate me," he said kissing her, starting the process all over again.


	13. Gonna Love You Right

**Gonna Love You Right**

The last time that Miranda and Ben had walked into the hospital together, Gary Clark was a virtually unknown man living in Seattle with his wife. This time, Gary Clark had been the man who'd changed their lives. It was all different now, but having his hands locked in hers made everything better, made it all seem like a distant memory. "I'll see you later," Ben said kissing Miranda's lips and then her cheek quickly. She started to move away and felt resistance. He still had her hand. He pulled her back in for another kiss, right in the middle of the walkway leading into the hospital. Miranda could imagine that there were a lot of eyes on them. But for once she didn't care. This kiss was deep and long. She rubbed her hand on the back of his neck, touching his hair. She pulled away and quickly looked around and was thankful that she didn't recognize the faces of her coworkers. She wasn't a fan of public displays of affection in or near the hospital, she thought it was unprofessional. But looking at his face and seeing smudges of her lipstick made her smile. They'd been through too much to let others dictate how they showed their love. "That was," he started. "Just in case you see any nurses and it slips your mind for a second that you're mine again." He didn't wait for a response. Instead he winked at her and walked away. Miranda walked into the hospital with purpose. Getting into the locker room, she sat down near her locker and started to change.

"Girl!" Callie called out coming towards her.

"Yes, Torres?" Miranda asked in a daze. Her mind was still on that kiss.

"When I was coming into the hospital, I saw this couple saying goodbye on the sidewalk and I started to just walk by and ignore them." Miranda blushed. "But when they started kissing again, I said to myself: 'Calliope, that was hot!'" Callie started to laugh. Miranda shook her head and chuckled. "Miranda, that was a sexy kiss. So I take it you and Ben are back together? " Miranda blushed and nodded. " _Reunited and it feels so good_ ," Callie sang. They laughed.

"Yes, we are, Torres," Miranda said

"And…?"

"And I'm here to work, not gossip."

"So you'll tell me at lunch, right?" Callie said making a crazy face.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Go. Do things."

At lunch, Ben walked with his tray to where Callie and Miranda were eating. "Hello, ladies. Can I sit down?"

"Yeah. Of course," Callie said. Ben pulled up a chair.

"Torres, weren't you just about to leave?" Miranda asked.

Callie shook her head. "Nope. I just got here. And I'm hungry."

Miranda exhaled and grinned. "So, Warren, how does it feel to be back with Bailey?" Ben blushed.

Miranda's eyes popped open. "Torres!"

"What? I want to know," she answered.

Miranda started to speak. "Miranda, it's okay." He cleared his throat. "It feels good. Really good actually." He winked at Miranda.

"Have you guys… you know?" Callie asked gesturing with her hands.

"Goodbye, Torres," Miranda said staring down Callie until the orthopedic surgeon got up from the table laughing her head off.

"Sorry about that," the general surgeon told the anesthesiologist.

"It's okay. Callie's good people."

"So, you were avoiding me, huh?" She asked sticking a fork into her salad.

"Yeah, I was. I was trying to stay out of your way."

"Oh."

"Disappointed?"

"A little. There were a few times when I thought I saw you in my OR."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There was a time when I stared down the poor guy so bad that he had to move his chair over a little." They chuckled. "I was just hoping that it was you."

"Even though I was bribing Pierre, I secretly hoped that he'd mess up and put me in your OR… just once." Miranda smiled. "I missed your face. I missed seeing it."

"I missed yours, too."

"I, uh…," his voice got soft.

"You what? What?" She asked impatiently.

"I actually…" He coughed and took a sip of his drink. "I actually saw you one night, in Joe's." Miranda furrowed her eyebrows. "I was having a drink by myself and I looked up and saw you with some other attendings. Celebrating or something." She waited, her heart speeding up. "I stared at you and I was this close to approaching you." He held up his thumb and forefinger. "I was going to get up. And I was going to talk to you. But I saw that you'd had a few drinks yourself and I wanted you to be in your right mind, er, sober when I approached you. So, I stayed quiet, finished my drink and left." Miranda didn't speak for a long time. She remembered those eyes on her, peering at her. Maybe it would have made more sense if she hadn't had so many of Cristina's drinks. Miranda chuckled to herself. She got up and left the table, leaving her tray. He followed her. "Miranda?" No answer. She walked into the nearest closet. "Sweetheart, you're okay?"

"It was only about what y-you wanted? _You_ wanted? What about me? What about me, Ben?!" She was getting louder. He touched her hand, calming her a little. "I missed you. Every day. I missed you and you didn't come to me that night because you wanted to wait?" Miranda started to tear up and Ben looked sad. "Do you know what I said that night?" He shook his head. She laughed a little. If she hadn't felt the need to be pissed, it would have all been hilarious. "I told Kepner that I needed to call…I needed to call you because I loved you and I needed to t-tell you that."

Ben grabbed her hands. Miranda pulled away. "I'm sorry, Miranda." He picked up her hands again. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to reject me again."

They sat down on overturned buckets, facing each other. They were quiet. After a while, Miranda said: "I met him that night."

"Huh? Who?"

"Eli."

"Miranda…" There was worry in his voice. He probably thought that Miranda was going to push him away again.

That was her fear, too. She didn't want to resist his love, but it was much easier to walk away than risk being hurt. "It's okay," she said finally.

He kissed her hand. "You're sure?"

"It's in the past now. We can't change it, but we can move on from here."

He nodded. "I love you."

"I love you," she responded.

Ben leaned in and kissed her. "I have to go, but can I… come over tonight?" He said quickly, rushing the words out.

Miranda smiled and nodded wildly. "Yes."

"Good. I'll see you tonight. I'll bring dinner." She nodded again and they left the closet; Miranda first and then Ben a few seconds later.


	14. Kiss and Say Goodbye

**Kiss and Say Goodbye**

"It was a nice service. I liked your poem," Ben said to Miranda who was changing out of her clothes. They'd just gotten back from Henry's funeral where Teddy had asked her to read a poem. It was entitled: "More Than I Can Bear". The "poem" was actually a song by one of her favorite gospel singers. She loved the line: _But through it all I remember that He loves me_. Miranda chose it because she hoped that those words would give strength to Teddy. After she finished reading, Miranda walked back to her seat. Her face stayed dry until she sat next to Ben. He put his arm around her and pulled her in and tears streamed down her face. Through her own sniffling, she could hear Teddy crying. As a doctor, Miranda had seen a lot of death and had been to a lot of funerals and it never got easier. Never. The finality of it all. Sometimes it was devastating. Miranda was somber and didn't respond to Ben's compliment. She quietly climbed into the bed and a shirtless Ben moved behind her, placing his arm around her waist. He'd stayed over nearly every night since they'd gotten back together. But they hadn't made love yet. No intercourse. When she told Callie, her best friend had made a face. There's no problem, Miranda had told her. _But we're just going slowly. I'm taking it slow_. Callie had nodded. Miranda loved him being there. "You're okay, baby?" He asked.

"Yeah," she said in a melancholic voice.

"Give me a kiss," he told her.

Miranda turned around and kissed him. "Thanks for being here, Ben." He nodded as she turned back around.

"I love you," he said in her ear, his breath warm. His arm was wrapped around his waist again, pulling her into him, like they were one.

"You know I love you," she answered. With Ben holding her tightly, Miranda fell asleep, dreaming peacefully.

A week later, after she'd finished checking on her newest patients; Miranda was surprised to see Teddy walking out of the skills lab. "Dr. Altman!" She called out.

Teddy stopped walking. "H-h-hey, Dr. Bailey." The cardiologist's eyes were red.

"Hi, Dr. Altman. How are… the skills lab?"

"I'm still a great surgeon," Teddy said with a nervous laugh.

Miranda laughed as well. "Do you want to get lunch today?"

"You know… I do, but not here if that's okay. Everyone just stares like 'Oooo, it's the widow cardiologist who fell in love with a patient.' I'd prefer to go somewhere where, you know—where I won't be gawked at."

Miranda nodded. "Of course. There's a, uh, sandwich place down the block. 2:00?" Teddy nodded and walked away.

When lunchtime came, Miranda looked around for Teddy, but didn't see her. She paged her and called her phone, but there was no answer. Miranda decided to walk to the shop and pick up some sandwiches and, hopefully, when she got back to the hospital, Teddy would be ready to be found. Getting to "Reggie's Subs," Miranda walked in to see Teddy sitting at a table with two different sandwiches in front of her. Miranda sat down. "I… came here with Henry one time. No, wait, twice. This was early in our friendship. This was one of his favorite places. The first time we came here together, he ordered a chicken parm and the second time he got a pastrami and cheese sandwich. I didn't get anything but a salad both times. I was too nervous to eat in front of him. Even though I wasn't really attracted to him, he was a man. And I can be very odd in front of men." She giggled. Miranda smiled and kept listening. "And each time, nearly every bite, he would try and get me to forget my salad and take a piece of his sandwich. And I declined. Every. Single. Time. But now… since I'm b-back here, I wanted to try the sandwiches that my husband loved so much. And as I was eating them, I could see him sitting across from me, right where you are, with grease dribbling down his face and him saying: 'Seriously, Teddy, take a bite. It's so good.'" Teddy wiped away some tears, smiling through them. "He was right, it is good." The woman was sobbing now. "How, Miranda? How do I go on knowing that I lost him? Knowing that I only just got to sp-spend a short segment of time with him and I resisted his love—just… how much time did I miss with him?"

"It's not about that," Miranda said interjecting, grabbing her hand. "It's not about how much time you didn't have or what you didn't do or didn't say. It's about how much time you did have and what you did and what you said. He knew you loved him. That you still love him." Teddy nodded and used a napkin to blow her nose. "It often takes us a while to see love when it's right in front of us. But, you saw it and you took that chance and you fell in love and that's what's important." Miranda moved her chair closer to Teddy's. She hugged the widower. Neither one of them made it back to the hospital. Miranda was grateful that her schedule was clear. They sat in "Reggie's" and talked all day, eating, crying and laughing. It wasn't until Teddy told Miranda that she felt comfortable going home that they parted ways.

Back at her house, Miranda and Ben were sitting on the couch watching TV. They were all alone. Tuck had gone to his father's house. She was always grateful that although Tucker wasn't the best husband, he was a great father. Ben had his head in her lap and she was slowly stroking his head. He found it soothing. The show that was flashing across the screen was going off in a few minutes, but Miranda hadn't been paying attention anyway. She was thinking about what Teddy had said about being resistant and how full of grief she'd been. Miranda didn't ever want to feel that way and she definitely didn't want to continue to keep Ben at an arm's length when all she wanted was him. "Ready for bed?" She asked him. He sat up and smiled, took her hand and led her up to the bedroom. In bed, they faced each other, making small talk about everything. Ben leaned over and kissed her. Miranda licked her lips, suggestively, and Ben kissed her again. He ran his fingers through her hair, pulling it a little. Miranda put her hand on his chest and pushed him flat on his back. She climbed on top of him.

"Wait, Miranda. You're sure?"

"Shhh! Please, Ben," she said looking into his eyes.

"Okay," he said. "But if you want to stop—" He was interrupted by her kissing his lips and then his neck and then his chest. Ben rubbed her back and lifted her shirt up and over her head. Miranda pushed down his pants and cried out as he sucked her nipples, making her body stir. She was so aroused; she wondered how she'd held out so long. "You… you have a condom?" He asked in her ear. She nodded and reached into her nightstand. Miranda kissed Ben's neck again as she waited for him to get ready. She grabbed his hands and slowly sat on him. The sheer pleasure that she felt was indescribable. She could feel all of him. And Miranda loved how he was looking at her, taking in her body. "So sexy," he grunted. Sweat appeared on her face as she rocked her body on his. Tears stung her eyes. Ben looked at her and pulled her in for a deep and wet kiss. She smiled and that made Ben smile. She leaned down and bit his chest making him groan. Miranda chuckled as she sped up. His hands were on her ass, squeezing it. Ben sat up and Miranda buried her face into the nape of his neck. They continued to make love. "Damn!" Ben yelled as he started to climax.

"Yes, baby!" Miranda screamed climaxing right after him, tugging at the skin of back. Ben stayed in her a little longer as they kissed passionately. He kissed her bottom lip turning her on again. When they finished, they lay naked in the bed holding each other. Ben placed soft kisses on her shoulder. "Don't let me go."

"Not even if you wanted me to," Ben answered. She could feel his smile and Miranda felt herself drifting off to sleep with a smile on her own face.


	15. You Need a Man Around Here

**You Need A Man Around Here (I Need You, Woman)**

"Let's move in together," he said suddenly. They were at her house for movie night with Tuck. Miranda and Ben were cuddled up on the sofa. And her child was in the kitchen getting more popcorn while the movie was paused.

"What?" She asked with a nervous chuckle.

He looked down at her, wrapped in his arms. They'd had a great night. Miranda had fixed a delicious meal and now they were winding down with a movie. "You heard me," he said seriously.

"But I can't… move in with you," she answered hurriedly.

"And why not?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why? We just got back together. Why would you want to rush it an-and complicate it? And quite possibly destroy it?"

"We're not kids anymore."

"I know that."

"And because our lives are happening right now and I want to share it with you. Every morning, every day, every evening and… don't you want that, too?"

"I do, but—," Miranda stopped talking and was genuinely relieved to see her son come back into the room. He sat on the floor underneath her and started the movie again. Ben took a deep breath and kissed the top of her head. She could tell that he was annoyed. Not because Tuck had come back into the room, but because she had dodged his question. However, she was a little perturbed herself. They'd just gotten back together. And he wanted to ruin it by… she couldn't even think straight. The movie continued, but Miranda's mind was going into overdrive. Moving in? Together? What about her son? And her stuff and Ben's stuff and would they move to her place? Or his place? Or find something different altogether? She liked her neighborhood and he probably really enjoyed his. There were so many questions, but Miranda wasn't sure that she was ready to get the answers. Usually after nights like this, Tuck would fall asleep during the movie and Ben would carry him to his room, Miranda right behind them. Ben would wait at the door while she kissed her son goodnight. In her room, they'd change and climb into bed. With Tuck at home, they never made love. But even if he wasn't there, they didn't always have sex. Although the sex was good, extremely good, mind-blowingly good… that's not what their relationship was all about. Unlike what she had with Eli. It was about their bond and their friendship. They could talk for hours and the conversation would never be dry or dull. That's what she loved. In her bed, Ben was turned away from her. "Ben?"

"Mmm?" He said sleepily.

"Everything okay?" She said with a yawn. He nodded. Miranda moved behind him and put her arm around his body. He took her hands in his. "How does that feel?"

"Feels good." Miranda kissed his back. "You know I like to be held, too." It was her turn to nod. He was quiet for so long that Miranda thought he was asleep. Her eyes were starting to close when his voice made her eyes flutter open. "Miranda, I was serious earlier."

"Uh, I don't want to talk about it."

"We need to," he said kissing her hand.

"But it's a crazy idea that I am not talking about—because it's crazy."

Ben turned over. "It's not crazy." He stared at her. "Look, we'd sleep in one bed, have breakfast at the same table and have one electric bill instead of two." Ben scratched his beard.

She scoffed. "Oh, that's why you want me to move in with you, so we could save on the electricity?"

"It's the responsible thing to do for the planet." He laughed. He was so crazy.

"I am not moving in with you." Ben rolled his eyes. "It… look, we've been together, what, two weeks?"

"And nine months." Ben nodded. "Two weeks and nine months without the pause. And I want to hit play again, right where we left off."

Miranda inhaled sharply. "Because it's good for the planet?"

"And because I have the better TV."

"Ben…," she started. She wanted to tell him that she would love for them to live in the same space, but there were so many factors to consider. It was overwhelming.

"Admit it. You want to live with me." He reached up the covers and touched her hips, sliding his hand to her back, pulling her closer. "You love me."

"I want… more time to think about it," she responded. Miranda turned her back on him and moved away.

A few seconds later, Ben wrapped his arms around her. "Okay."

In the morning, Miranda was about to step into the shower when she saw a spider crawling out of the drain. "Ahhhhhh! Ewww! OhmyGod!"

"What? What?" Ben asked running into the bathroom. Miranda was naked and quickly grabbed a towel. "What is it, Miranda?"

"A sp-spider!" She screeched while running to the door and pulling up her falling towel.

"A spider? Baby! I thought someone was killing you."

"It could kill me."

Ben laughed through his nose and left to grab a sneaker. He cornered the spider and killed it. He took a piece of paper towel and cleaned up the mess. "I'm not gonna say it."

"Say what?" Miranda asked, her heart still beating quickly. Spiders were one of the few things in the world that scared her to death.

"I'm not going to say that this is one of the reasons why I should move in with you." Miranda was confused. "What if I wasn't here? Who would have killed that spider for you?" She shook her head. "Would you have not taken your shower?"

"I would shower in Tuck's bathroom," she said crossing her arms. Ben stared at her, cheesing. "Whatever. Get out. I need to shower."

Ben smiled and kissed her cheek. "Good morning."

"Morning," she said

Miranda showered and when she walked out of the bathroom, Ben was already gone. He'd left a note on her bed: _Miranda, I'm on call tonight. So I'll see you tomorrow where we'll talk about IT. Love, Ben_

Miranda read the note twice before sticking it to her mirror. It was Friday and Tuck didn't have school, so she got dressed and with her son by her side, they went to a street fair in the downtown Seattle. They spent all day together eating the food, watching the people, listening to the music and playing games. On the way home, Tuck fell asleep in his car seat. Miranda quickly glanced in her rearview window at her son. He was adorable. And he looked so much like her ex-husband. She guessed she'd always have a piece of him.

After putting her son to bed, Miranda crawled into bed and fell asleep. Her phone beeped waking her up on Saturday afternoon. She looked beside her and saw Tuck snoring next to her. She eased out of bed not waking him and checked her phone while she brushed her teeth. There were two calls and two text messages all from Ben. The first one said: **Im gonna assume that youre asleep and not just ignoring my calls.** The second said: **Can I come over?**

The last message was sent 10 minutes ago. Miranda called him back. He picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

"Good afternoon, Ben Warren," Miranda said smiling. She had such a crush on him.

"Good afternoon, Miranda. You sound happy," he told her.

Miranda got back into the bed. "I am. My son is asleep and safe and I'm talking to you and that always seems to make me feel better."

"Aww," Ben said and they laughed. "So I am on my way to your house."

"I got the message. I'm waiting for you."

"Oh snap," Ben said. "Then let me put the pedal to the metal."

"Not like _that_ ," she told him. Miranda rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Are you at home?" She told him that she was. "Are you in bed?" She confirmed again. "Then it's just like that." Miranda blushed and goose bumps appeared on her arms. He said the sweetest things sometimes. "Miranda?" He asked bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"I'm outside."

"Oh okay," she said as she scrambled out of bed. She threw on her robe and went down the stairs. Upon opening the door, she saw Ben standing there with one rose and a bag of food. "Hey!"

"Hi," Ben replied smiling. He stepped into the house. He handed her the rose and kissed her lips quickly.

"This is nice of you. I love it. Thanks."

He shook his head and winked at her. "Is Tuck up?"

"No, he's still sleeping. I swear he sleeps just like Tucker. Like a brick." They laughed.

"You want me to wake him up?"

"No, let him sleep. We had a long day yesterday." Ben hugged Miranda. "What was that for?"

"Because I couldn't just stand here and not touch you." More goose bumps. "I brought brunch. You want?"

"Definitely," Miranda answered leading the way to the kitchen. The coffee brewed and they sat down at the table and took a few silent bites of their breakfast sandwiches. "This sandwich is delicious." Ben nodded. "How was your night?"

After telling Miranda about a patient who'd died and "come back to life," he paused and changed his tone. "Miranda?"

She knew what that voice meant. It was time for a serious talk. "Ben?"

"What we talked about earlier—"

"I don't…"

"Just forget about it," he said. Miranda straightened her back and looked at him with a confused look. He looked at her. "I know. I know. I was so adamant about it before, but I thought about it and I'm letting the subject rest. I'd still love for us to move in together. I love you and Tuck, and this is something that I want, but I'll wait for you to bring it up again."

Miranda gave him a short smile and watched him take a bite of his sandwich. "Well… good."

"Okay, good," Ben echoed.

Miranda started to respond, but she stopped herself. She wondered how it was all going to play out. Ben was a man of his word. If he said he wasn't going to bring it up until she did, he wouldn't. Which meant that he was challenging her. If she didn't bring it up soon, he'd figure she wasn't serious about their relationship and they'd drift apart. And even if she said no, for the billionth time, he'd respect and love her even more. She just had to pick the right time to bring it up. She'd figure it out.

There were nearly finished their food when Tuck strayed into the kitchen. "Morning," the 6-year old said in a high-pitched voice.

"Hey, buddy," Ben answered. Tuck slapped Ben's hand and hugged him. Miranda was glad to see that their relationship was still the same. She had never witnessed Tuck hugging Eli. Tuck wasn't big on Eli and didn't ask about him once he'd stopped coming around. It was different with Ben. When Miranda and Tuck left Seattle, Tuck had constantly asked about Ben, bugging Miranda to let him call. When she wouldn't budge, he stopped. But as soon as they came back, Ben was back on his mind. And in her dreams.

"Hello, son," Miranda said as he walked over to her.

"Hi, mommy," Tuck said. He leaned over and hugged her and she kissed the top of his head.

"You're hungry?" She asked. He nodded. "Go and wash your hands," she told him while Ben pulled the last sandwich out of the bag. "Thanks."

He was confused. "For what?" She gestured at the table. "For breakfast?" Miranda nodded. "Sweetheart, this is the easy part." Ben gave a laugh. "This is me bringing over food so the three of us can eat and spend some time together. _This_ isn't complicated," he said picking up her hand. He kissed it. He started to let go of it when Tuck entered the room, but she held on. She smiled at him and he blushed slightly. "You're welcome," he mouthed. "Here you go, champ," Ben said sliding Tuck the sandwich. The conversation flowed as the three of them finished their breakfast.

Ben and Tuck sat in the living room and watched cartoons while she went upstairs to shower and change her clothes. Her phone rang as she brushed her teeth. It was Tucker. "Hey, Miranda," Tucker said.

Miranda rinsed her mouth. "Tucker Jones, what can I do for you?"

"My church is having a father-son overnight camping thing. And I totally forgot about it and so I need to pick up my son."

"Wait. What? Camping, Tucker?"

"Yeah!"

"Camping?"

"It's exciting! And fun and manly!" He said making her smile.

"But he's only 6."

"My dad took us camping me and my sisters when were 5."

"I don't know," Miranda said slowly as Ben walked into the room. He kissed her quickly on the cheek. "Hold on, Tucker." Miranda muted the call. "Where's my son?"

"He's downstairs asleep."

"Seriously?" She asked with a laugh. Ben nodded. "Can you go and wake him up, please?"

"Of course, baby," Ben said pulling her in for a deep kiss. He stroked her hair. "Anything you want." Ben left the room and Miranda continued to talk to Tucker. "Um, so, I don't know about him going camping."

"Miranda, please. His friends are going. Don't let him be the only—."

"Fine. But take care of my baby."

"No, I'm going to let him get eaten by a dodo bird. Of course I'll take care of Tuck. He's my baby, too."

"Yeah, he is. Just make sure you remember to drop him off at school on Monday."

"Funny." Tucker and Miranda laughed. "Cool. Cool." He was quiet and for a second she thought that he'd hung up.

"What's up, Tucker?" She asked. She'd been married to him long enough to hear his brain working over the phone.

"I'm… getting married," he said quickly.

"Wow. That's… great. Wow, Tucker. That's really amazing," she said smiling. Ben came back into her room and sat on her bed.

"Really?" Tucker asked with a laugh.

"Yes, of course. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Mandy. That means a lot." Tucker exhaled. "And I'm happy that I got that off of my chest."

"What do you mean?" She asked sitting next to her boyfriend.

"Well, because I wasn't sure how you would take it and I know, I know. We're through, but you're still a big part of my life and I care about you. I didn't tell you to make you feel jealous or anything."

"Why would I be jealous?" She asked as Ben put an arm around her waist.

"Because I know you and Ben were getting serious and then shit happened." They sighed at the same time. "And now you're dating this Eli guy and..." He stopped talking. Miranda waited. "I just want you to have what I have, happiness."

Miranda nodded. "I think that I'm getting there," she said honestly.

"What do you mean?" His question intrigued her. They hadn't spoken this much or deeply in a long, long time. Ben was playing with the belt of her robe. She slapped his hand away playfully. "You and Eli?"

"No, uh. Actually… Ben and I are back together," she said looking at her boyfriend who was lying back on the bed.

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. We're d-dating again. We're together."

"That's great news, Mandy," Tucker said making her smile.

"Yeah, it is." Tucker didn't respond. "I think it's good for, um, Tuck to see us happy. Even if we're not with each other."

"You're happy?"

"Yes, I am. Aren't you?" Ben put a hand on her waist.

"No doubt," Tucker said. He cleared his throat and she took in a breath. "So, I'll come get the boy in 20, eh, make that 30 minutes? Because we still gotta go shopping for this thing."

"He'll be ready," Miranda said lying back into the arms of Ben. "See ya."

"Yep," Tucker said and they disconnected the call.

"What was that all about?" Ben asked turning on his side towards Miranda.

"Tucker forgot about an overnight camping trip and he's coming to pick up Tuck."

"That's cool. I want to go camping."

"Go with them," Miranda said under her breath.

He heard her. "And miss the chance to be with you… alone?" He shook his head. "I don't think so."

She smiled and leaned to kiss him, but instead she stood up and walked to Tuck's room. "Hey, kid. You have to pack. You're going camping with your dad."

"I have to?" He asked.

"No, you don't, but I think it would be really, really fun. And your dad's excited about it."

Tuck thought about it. "Okay," he answered. "I want to go."

"Alright, go and get dressed." Miranda zipped around his room and started to pack a bag for him to take overnight, but by the look of it, he'd be gone for three weeks.

Ben came to the door. "He'll need a smaller bag, Miranda."

"This has everything he needs—"

"Plus, a lot of stuff that he doesn't." Ben opened the bag and took out the extra clothes she'd packed "just in case". "Trust me, he won't need that much."

"Fine.

"Fine?"

"Yeah."

"I swear I thought you were going to put up a fight."

"No, I trust you."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't have you in my life or near my child."

"So, why won't you…"His voice trailed off and she smiled. He was about to ask her to move in with him. He'd stopped himself.

"Why don't I what?" She said egging him on. She nodded and he kissed her cheek.

"Nothing just… find Tuck a smaller bag, huh?"

Tucker rang the doorbell and Tuck ran down the stairs. "Daddy's here!" He shouted.

"Where's your bag, son?" Miranda asked and Tuck ran back up the stairs to get it. Ben followed Miranda down the stairs. "Hello, Tucker Jones."

"Miranda Bailey," Tucker said leaning in and hugging her. They weren't usually huggers, but today was different. A lot of the air over their marriage and divorce had been cleared with a single phone call.

"Congratulations," she said into his ear.

"Thanks." He turned to Ben and the two men shook hands. "So you're back?"

"Like I never left," Ben said smiling down at Miranda, sliding his arm around her waist.

"Well, I for one am glad that you are."

"You are?" Ben and Miranda asked together.

"Hell yeah," Tucker answered laughing. He looked at Ben. "You know she called me one night talking about she heard a… what was it?"

They were mocking her, but she knew she'd heard: "A loud animal noise downstairs. It sounded like it came from the kitchen." Tucker nodded and Ben raised his eyebrow. Her mouth dropped open. "I did!"

"Riiight. So I come over and I do a sweep of the place. No paw prints, no tracks. Nothing. I even spent the night. Had my girlfriend texting me every fifteen minutes. And calling every 30."

"Wow, Miranda. Really?"

"There was a noise," she told them.

They laughed again. "Well, my brother, I say all of that to say that I'm glad you're back. So you can get the midnight calls about phantom animal noises." They shook hands again. "Ready to rock, son."

"Ready to roll, dad," Tuck said and he hugged Miranda and Ben and they were gone.

Ben looked at her and started to smirk. "What are you laughing about?"

"Why didn't you call Eli?" He asked.

"B-because… it was late. And we'd just started… whatever and, um, I know Tucker's number off the top of my head so I called him. No big deal." Ben started to speak. Miranda held up her hand. "Don't say I could have called you."

Ben put his arms around her waist. "But you could have."

"No, I couldn't!" She said pulling away from him. "I couldn't." Her eyes were watering. He nodded. "You don't understand. I wanted to. I wanted to and I almost did, but we'd broken up and I was with someone else and I knew that seeing your face at that time would make me want you. And bring up feelings that I thought were gone. I was with Eli."

Ben nodded again. "Okay, okay."

They kissed; Ben slipped his tongue into her mouth. She pulled away and took his hand. Now was the perfect time to talk about moving in together. They were alone, no time restraints. And she really wanted to come to a conclusion. And she wanted to tell him exactly how she felt. She led him to her sofa. "Lagoon". That was the color that she and her designer had chosen. It fit the color scheme so perfectly. They sat down. He turned to face her and put an arm around the back of the chair. She put a leg up and inched closer to him. "Let's talk about… _it_." She'd really wanted to call him that night. He was the first person who'd popped into her head. And he would have come if she'd called. She knew that. He was that kind of guy. And he loved her. A smile spread across his face. He stayed silent waiting for her to speak. She inhaled. Visions of Henry and George flooded her mind. They would never get the chance to fulfill all of their dreams and wants, but she could. "I had a husband and a baby and I was surgeon. I had it all. And then it all turned bad. So I got divorced. And then I got back on my feet. I found you." Ben smiled. He had some of the prettiest teeth she'd ever seen. "And then there was a shooting." Ben's smile faded and he looked away quickly. Miranda kept going. "So now I am finally back on my feet again and I have you again." She stopped talking and searched for right phrase. "I just don't want it to blow up."

"I get it. You're scared." He grabbed her hand. "I am, too," he admitted. "Why can't we be scared in the same house?"

"Well, don't act like it's not complicated."

"It's not complicated. We just take it one step at a time. Put a toothbrush in my house today. Tomorrow, maybe a couple pairs of socks. Then a suitcase on the week—"

"I have a child. I can't just move in with you."

"Wait. You-you have a child? Whoa! When did… when did that happen?" He asked feigning confusion.

"Oh, stop it. You're not a funny man," she said hitting his chest.

"I met him. Rick, right?" Ben chuckled.

"Clearly, it was a mistake to even enter into this conversation." She put a hand to her forehead. This conversation was starting to make her head spin.

"Ninja Turtles versus Power Rangers. Who wins?" He asked.

Miranda racked her brain she knew the Turtles, but who were these Rangers? Ugh, she thought. "Well, I have no idea."

"You know who does? I do and so does Tuck."

"The Rangers are high school kids with overly powerful weapons who capture the bad guys, but the Turtles have been training since they were babies. They are literally killing machines. They kill." Miranda exhaled. "But Turtles versus the Hulk. Hulk can withstand just about any kind of pressure or force. That's an easy win for him." What in the hell was he talking about? "Yeah, I can do this all day, and so can Tuck. You're bored already and we've been at it 30 seconds." She nodded. "I like Tuck. I like hanging out with Tuck. I like superheroes and dinosaurs and… I like you." Ben smiled and picked up her hand again and put it to his lips. He used his free hand to touch her face. "I want the whole package." She stared at him and then at their joined hands. She really wanted to say yes, but what if it didn't work out? Ben stroked her face slowly. "I know you don't come without Tuck. I know that. To be honest, I wouldn't want you without him." She smiled. Ben lowered his voice like they were in a room full of people and he only wanted her to hear: "I know who you are, Miranda." He leaned in to kiss her. Before their lips touched, she got off of the sofa and headed towards the stairs.

There was hurt in his eyes. "So… that's it? Nothing?"

She looked over her shoulder at him and pointed in the direction of her room. "I'm going to get my toothbrush." He grinned. "One step at a time."


	16. Cost of Comfort

**Cost of Comfort**

Miranda took her toothbrush and a small bag and they left her house. They decided to go to a movie and then to dinner. Getting to Ben's apartment, Miranda walked in feeling something different. Had she really agreed to move in with him? To spend her days and nights with her boyfriend. What if… Miranda shook the "what ifs" from her head. She looked around the apartment. There were three bedrooms. It was a decent size. It would do for now, Tuck was still small. Slowly merging their lives together wouldn't be so bad. She told him all of this and he nodded. He smiled. He put down her bag and walked to her. "I'm happy."

"I am, too." He kissed her forehead. "But, Ben Warren… I am no less scared."

He nodded and kissed her cheek. "I am, too, baby," he said reassuring her. "But I'm also excited. This is a good thing." He took her hand and they walked to the master bedroom. "Consider this room, your room… our room. There are no secrets in here." Ben kissed her cheek. "And!" He ran happily to the dresser. "I've been waiting for a week to show you this." He opened two top drawers and gestured for her to come over. There was nothing in them.

"What am I looking at? There's nothing there."

He chuckled. "I know. They're for you."

"Really?" He nodded.

She smiled. "This is so sweet."

"There're here for you whenever you feel the need to fill them up." He kissed her cheek. "I was gonna give you two drawers close to the bottom, but then I thought no."

"No?" She asked confused.

"Naw, because if I had to watch you bend over every day, I would lose it." In the mirror that was hanging over the dresser, she watched him close his eyes and bite his bottom lip. "And we'd _never_ leave this room."

Miranda's mouth dropped open. Why did he say things like that? He was physically attracted to her and it made her feel so sexy. "Hush, boy," she said turning around to face him. He stepped closer to her, putting his hands on the dresser behind her. He kissed her and she turned her head. His lips landed on her cheek. She pushed past him. "Well, since it's my room, too. I'm going to need some closet space. She walked to his closet door and opened it. Half of it was empty. "Wha?"

"Miranda, I want this." She felt his hands on his waist. "So badly." His lips were on her neck. "I want your face to be the last one I see every night." She was blushing and was glad that he couldn't see her. "Is that alright?"

"Yes."

"Can you handle that?"

"I said yes, Ben Warren. Don't make me change my mind."

He spun her around so that they were face to face. "Okay. Okay." He turned his head and yawned.

"Tired?"

He nodded. "And a little hungry."

"Hungry? We just ate."

"Get used to it, sweetheart. I get night hungers like a raccoon or a college student."

They laughed. "Well, how about," she started standing on her tiptoes and kissing his cheek. "How about you go and take a shower—"

"You wanna join me?"

"What? No… and I'll fix us a snack."

"Sounds good," Ben said pulling her in for a kiss. Miranda put her arms around his neck and continued to kiss him, rubbing his head. She felt his hands massaging her back. She pulled away, breathing deeply. She turned her back on him. He slapped her butt, making her squeal.

"Cut it out, Ben!" She said with a laugh.

"You cut it out," he called to her.

They ate their food and went to bed. When she opened her eyes, it was still dark. Miranda looked over to see a shirtless Ben still asleep. "I am so in love with you," she said quietly. She was glad that he was asleep. She cuddled next to him and kissed his arm. Pretty soon, she'd gone back to sleep. She heard her alarm go off and quickly reached over to dismiss it. She got out of the bed, careful not to wake the guy in bed. She walked to the bathroom. She needed to take a shower. She'd taken showers at his place before, but it was different this time. He wanted her to think of it as her place, too. But it was his body wash in the shower and his razors on the sink and his color scheme. It was almost too much. She turned to leave the bathroom and bumped into Ben.

"Good morning," he said kissing her cheek. "Everything okay?"

"Y-yeah… Good morning, baby," she said hugging him. Being able to hug him every morning wouldn't be so bad. She held him tighter.

"Were you about to take a shower?" He said grabbing his toothbrush.

"I was, but I… uh. I left my soap at home," she lied.

"Just use mine, Miranda. It's unscented," Ben said putting his hands on his hips, the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

"I would but—"

"What's the problem? Just spill it?" She could see that he was starting to get upset and knew that she was about to make excuses for something that she'd already agreed to—twice.

"This is all your stuff," she said quickly. "Everything in here is yours. Your magazines and your towels. It's too much."

Ben took a deep breath and shook his head a little. "Is that all?"

"And I… I don't know if I want to move in—with you." She could see him swallow hard. He turned and walked out of the bathroom. She followed him. He grabbed a t-shirt and started to put it on. "I don't mean it like that."

He stopped. "How did you mean it?" She was at a loss for words. She really didn't want to move into his apartment. It was cozy and it was nice. And he was sweet and wanted everything to work out perfectly, but this was a big step. She wanted to tell him that, but no words came out. "I thought so." He finished putting on his clothes and a pair of shoes and he walked through the apartment with her on his heels. "I'll be back," he mumbled. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and left.

She moved around the kitchen and came across a small dish with a single key in it. Next to it was a little note: _Miranda, this key is yours if you want it. This place is ours if you want it to be. –Ben_

Miranda smiled. He was so thoughtful and although her concerns were valid, it seemed like she was ungrateful. She picked up the key. She turned it over in her hand and got her phone from the bedroom. She needed to talk to her mother. "Mandy?" Her mother, Elena, answered.

"Yes, momma," Miranda walked to the nearest sofa, pulling her legs underneath her.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay. You and daddy?"

"We're good. Your dad was sick. He was being fat and ate too much shrimp. But he's fine now." Miranda could hear her father in the background complaining and she laughed softly. They were quiet. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I suppose."

"Okay."

"Ben wants us to move in together."

"That's good, Mandy, right?"

"What is?" She heard her father ask distantly. Her mother told him. "Lemme talk to her." The phone switched hands. "Mandy!"

"Yes, daddy," Miranda said.

"Is that something you want to do?"

"I thought I did. I told him I did last night," she replied. "Which I'm thinking was a bad idea since I'm feeling so wretched right now."

"Don't you want this relationship to develop?" 

"Yes, I do. Of c-course."

"And you love him?"

Miranda blushed. "Daddy, yes."

"I don't condone moving in before you're married, but your mother thinks—"

"Don't speak for me, William Bailey!" Elena said getting back on the phone. Miranda giggled. Her parents were a riot. "I think it's important that you two move in before everything progresses further." Miranda raised an eyebrow and nodded. She understood what her mother was saying. But they'd just gotten back together. Why couldn't anyone else see that? Why couldn't they understand that? "He wants to marry you, Miranda."

Suddenly, Miranda felt like she wasn't breathing properly. She took a few breaths, but none seemed deep enough. She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breaths. "Breathe." Miranda nodded. "Just breathe." Miranda tried to speak, but no sounds left her vocal chords. Now she was Ariel, from The Little Mermaid and she hated that movie. Speechless. "He called us one day and we talked for a long while. This was before… you know. And he asked us not to tell you." Miranda took a deep breath. She was starting to calm down. "So we didn't, but you're not seeing the big picture, baby, which is weird for you because you usually see all of the cogs turning on the machine at once." Her mother laughed. "Yep, that boy wants to marry you and he loves you and he loves my grandchild. So just do it. Isn't that what Nike says?" Miranda shook her head and laughed. Finally, sound.

Miranda took a deep breath. "I love him, too."

"I know, baby. I know." Her breathing was back to normal. "Are you alright?" Miranda nodded again. "Use your words, Miranda."

"I'm fine, momma." The door to the apartment unlocked and she could hear the knob turn behind her. "He's back."

"Just do it."

"I got it, momma. I love you. Tell daddy that I love him, too."

"He heard you," Elena said and they ended the call.

Ben came and sat down next to her. He took her phone out of her hand and put it on the coffee table. "I'm sorry."

Miranda was so confused. She was the one who was going to apologize. She'd screwed everything up. "No, I am. I should be the one apologizing."

"Yeah… you should," Ben said with a smiled. "Because I didn't do anything."

Miranda smiled. "That's not the point."

"What's the point?" He asked seriously.

It was now or never. Just do it. "I want you. I want this"

"Okay."

"I want you and I want to be with you and I want to live with you and, what was it that you said?" She thought for a second. "Every day, every morning, every evening."

"I think I said morning, then day, then evening," he commented with a chuckled.

The surgeon cut her eyes at the anesthesiologist. "Ben Warren, I'm trying to be serious."

"My fault, sweetheart."

"But I don't want to do it here." Ben's mouth dropped open.

"You don't?" She shook her head. "So you want me to move in with you?" Miranda paused a second before waving that idea away.

She handed him back his key. "I got your note."

He nodded. "So…" His voice trailed off. He was cute when he was being slow to grasp what she was saying. "So… what?"

She moved closer to him and put her hands on his chest. "I want us to find a place. A new place for a new start."

Ben cocked his head to the side. "You're sure?" She nodded. "So you do want to move in with me just not _in with me_?" He said gesturing to his apartment. She confirmed. Ben grabbed the sides of her face and pulled her in for a kiss. Their lips moved slowly. Miranda turned her head slightly and Ben took the chance and slipped his tongue into her mouth. She returned the favor, her arms around his neck. Ben pushed her back. She was so turned on. It was exciting. One of the last times they'd make love on this chair. He pulled his lips from hers. One hand held all of his weight and the other lifted her chin. He asked: "So you're not scared anymore?"

"Oh, I'm terrified," she quickly, rubbing his back. "But it won't be so bad with you."

Ben smiled and kissed her again. "No, it won't be bad at all." He pulled off his shirt, dropping it to the floor. Miranda sat up and pushed him away from her. "What now, Miranda?" He groaned. She just sat there looking at him, admiring his body. She was so happy that he was hers. He meant so much to her and he made her so happy. It was unreal. When they first started to date, she was sure that it was a joke, sure that Arizona or Callie had bribed the man to approach her, but after all this time… nine months and two weeks, she was sure that he was in it for her. That he loved her and truly and genuinely wanted to be with her. So she didn't mind moving in with him, waking up to his gorgeous face every day would be a joy. And while they looked for a place, she would get a chance to really get acquainted with the idea of what their future would look like. "Miranda?" He asked again in a deep voice, pulling her out of her thoughts. He was getting impatient and looking at his _I want it_ face, her body was getting impatient as well. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him on top of her, giggling as his body bumped hers a few times, turning her on. She was heating up now. Every part of her body was craving his kisses and touches. "Damn it," he said popping up.

Now it was her turn to be demanding. "What?"

He ran out of the room and into his bedroom. Miranda crossed her arms and tried to wait patiently. She counted to 70 and when he didn't come back, she followed him.


	17. Sweat

**Sweat**

"What are you doing in here…" She asked throwing her hands up in the air. "When I'm waiting out there?"

He was sitting on the edge of the bed. "I don't have anymore."

"Anymore what?"

"Condoms," he said looking at her apologetically.

Miranda laughed. This day had been crazy. Just nuts. She sat down on the bed. "I know I'm a surgeon and a damn fine one at that, but I'm asking myself why… and how?" Ben shook his head and looked at her. "Did you use them with other people? I thought you said that you hadn't been involved!"

"Miranda, stop! No, I haven't. Look, let's just go back to your place."

She shook her head. "I want to hear the story of the missing condoms."

He blew air out of his nose. "You."

"What?"

"You're the story." She scoffed. "I bought a box when we got back together. And they're gone. The box is empty. It's over there. Go and look. And so is the receipt just in case you think I'm lying."

"I wouldn't think that," Miranda said with a smile. She walked over to where he was pointing. She looked at the box and receipt. Damn, she thought. She sat down next to him on the bed, putting her chin on his arm.

"And I know how you like using two methods. Condoms and the Pill," he said. She looked at his face and could feel his devastation. He looked like a little boy who didn't get his way about something. It was adorable. She started to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" With that question, she doubled over with laughter. "You're scaring me."

Miranda continued laughing, tears coming from her eyes. She fell back on the bed. Ben fell beside her, chuckling. Her laughing slowed down. "We're grown."

"I know that," he said.

"We're not kids or teenagers or people who don't know… what they're doing."

"You're saying things I know already, Miranda."

"Baby, I'm still on the Pill," Miranda said.

"Yes, I know. I mean I assumed."

Miranda sighed. She hoped that he wouldn't pick this moment as one of the times when he was slow to catch on. "I'm on… the Pill," she said raising her eyebrow.

"You've said… Oh. Oh! Oooh!" He said turning to face her. She turned on her side as well. "So what are you saying?" She wanted him to get it so she didn't have to say it. And she didn't want to say it because the idea was crazy. It was irresponsible and reckless, but it was thrilling. Miranda stared at him. "Are you sure?" She nodded. "We've never… I don't know. There are so many consequences."

"I know that. Don't you think I know that?" Ben nodded. "I know that. And you know that. But… it's not like whatever happens that we won't be able to handle it." She was speaking from somewhere deep inside of her heart. It wasn't even about the sex anymore.

"You're talking about a baby?"

"I'm talking about a baby," she confirmed, smiling sheepishly. Ben stroked her face and leaned over to kiss her.

"We've never had intercourse without a condom. Well, not with each other."

"Ew, Ben. That visual was just too much."

"It's true, though." She nodded. They were quiet, staring at each other, each lost in their own thoughts. They'd never talked about a baby before. It was just something they'd skirted around. And now that the subject was out there, they'd do a lot more talking about it. She did want another child and she thought Ben would make a great father, but every time she thought about it, she felt like she was jumping the gun in their relationship. One thing at a time. They were quiet for a long time. "We don't have to have sex, Miranda." He was earnest and it was sweet.

"I know," she said softly.

"We can you wait, know?" He kissed her lips and then her cheek.

"I know," she repeated.

"Do you want to?" Miranda didn't answer. "You know what? Let's wait. We're going to wait." She nodded. They lay on their backs looking at his ceiling. "Let's watch TV. You wanna watch TV?" He reached over her to grab the remote. His face hung over hers. She smiled and licked her lips. "Damn it, Miranda," he said leaning down to kiss her. He put his hands on her bare stomach, making her body pop. Miranda grabbed his face, pushing her tongue into his mouth. He kissed her one last time and fell back onto the bed next to her. They were quiet again. She wondered what he was thinking about. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life," she said suddenly.

"You are," he said making her laugh. "But so am I." He kissed her quickly on the lips.

"You're a good kisser," Miranda told him as Ben kissed her again. She deepened the kiss by touching his head and pulling him closer. Her hands stroked his head while he lifted up her shirt, kissing her breasts through her bra. She threw her head back and moaned. He kissed her lips again, his hands running over her body. "Oh, God!" She called out.

"Call me Dr. Warren," he grunted while kissing her chest again.

She bit her lip, "Okay."

"Okay, what?" He asked unsnapping her bra, her breasts falling into his open mouth. He bit her slightly.

"Dr. Warren," she whined.

Ben locked eyes with Miranda, his brown ones piercing hers. "I realize every day how much I love you, Miranda and just how ready I am to spend the rest of my life with you." Miranda started to answer, but his mouth was on hers, she moaned, her body moving with each kiss. She moaned again. "What's that?"

"I want you to make me sweat," she said with a slight giggle.

"I can make that happen," Ben answered pushing down her shorts and his own pants. He stared at her and took a deep breath before he entered her for the first time without protection. He slid in easily and groaned powerfully. "Damn!"

"Oh my God!" She whimpered into his ear, clutching his back. She closed her eyes and felt him move inside of her. Miranda pulled Ben in for a kiss. They smiled at each other. She was enjoying every second, but her mind was going a million miles an hour. She ran every possible scenario through her head. Ben touched her hips, bringing her back—his body against her. She relaxed and melted in his arms.

While their bodies moved together, Ben put his mouth on her chest, kissing her nipples. "How does that feel? Are you okay?" He asked quickly, his face was damp with sweat.

She answered by pulling him in for a kiss, forcing his body to shift quickly, hitting a spot that made her scream. "Dr. Warren!" Their naked bodies were pressed against each other. Ben and Miranda moved slowly and purposefully. This was it, she thought. This was how it felt to be so close to someone, she could feel every inch of him, to actually fit together, to be one. She was here. In a place of extreme happiness. The feeling was too much to bear. It was a high, like when she was in the OR making that first and last cut. It was a natural high. As he picked up speed, Miranda wrapped her legs around his body, pushing him further inside of her.

"Motherfu—Shit!" He yelled as he pulled her up and he fell back on the bed, putting her on top, Miranda grinded on top of him. She leaned down to kiss him and they orgasmed, hard and fast, both sweating and breathing rapidly. Ben sat up holding her tightly. "Baby."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you," she answered kissing him once more. Miranda rolled off of him and lay on the bed, pulling the covers up to her neck.

Ben moved behind her, running a finger up her side, making her smile widely. "That was amazing. How do you feel?"

"I feel good. It felt really good." Ben kissed her back. "How do you feel?"

"Like I have the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the whole world," Ben said. Miranda threw her body into his. He groaned. "Do that again and we'll be going into overtime."

"Let's go," she said turning around and getting on top of her boyfriend, straddling him. She kissed down his body, slowly.

When they'd finished for the last time, Miranda put her head on his chest while he played with her hair gently. She made circles on his chest. "I feel like I should have a cigarette or something."

She laughed."You'd better not or I won't hesitate to stop kissing you."

"Well, I can't have that," he said. "I'm hungry."

"Surprise, surprise," she said as he kissed her head. "But I am, too. Let's eat." They got out of bed and Miranda looked around her for her shirt. "Where's my shirt?"

He shrugged and threw her one of his. "Wear this."

She rolled her eyes. "This barely covers my butt, Ben Warren."

"Good," he said walking towards her in nothing but a pair of shorts. He squeezed her butt cheek and she giggled. He handed her the shorts that she was wearing. They walked hand in hand to the front of the apartment, what was almost their apartment. They moved around the kitchen together pulling out the ingredients for sandwiches. "I am starving."

"Me, too," she said kissing his back as she moved to the refrigerator. They sat down at the table, saying a prayer before they ate.

In bed, after their snack, Miranda moved into Ben's arms as the TV played; her back was on his chest, his hand on her waist. She dozed off and was on her way into a deep sleep when she heard: "I want to marry you, Miranda Bailey." Somehow she kept her body still, but her mind was going crazy. She smiled inside. Her mother was right. He thought she was asleep and kept going: "I love everything about you. You're everything to me. I don't want to go another year without you being my wife." He stroked her head. "I know you're not sleeping. I know what you sound like when you're sleep." He chuckled. "But you don't have to answer now. Just… sleep on it." She could say no. She could not answer at all and pretend that she really was asleep. He didn't know her. Miranda debated whether or not she should turn around and answer his proposal or stay where she was and let it rest. She inhaled sharply. Not one for letting it rest, she turned around in his arms. "Oph," he said surprised.

She smiled widely. She kissed him. "You piss me off." He grinned. "You aggravate me so damn much. You're annoying and you think you're funny. Which, by the way, you know, you're not. But I care about you. I care about you more than I cared about Tucker. I do." Miranda stopped to take a deep breath. "And I'd be lost without you."

"Is that a yes or a no?" She kissed him, hard. Her hand on his face. "You know you have clarity issues so… Do you want to marry me?"

Her heart was full and her eyes started to water. She thought she could see tears in his eyes as well. Ben held on to her like he'd never let her go. She didn't want him to. He rubbed her back and kissed her all over. This is not what she'd planned. This is not how she thought it would go. Not how she thought any of it would go. But then there's a tragedy or two and she winds up in the arms of a man she was in love with and he's asking her to marry him. Miranda thought back to George whose life was cut short and to Henry who fell in love by accident and his widow who, Miranda imagined, would love some more time with him if she could get it. So, no, she wasn't going to wait. She was saying yes. And she was going to stop over-planning and trust the journey. "Yes… I do," she said kissing him. Love made something happen, made it all happen. She was no longer in control and didn't feel the need to be. And Miranda Bailey was happy to be in love with Ben Warren.

-The End-


End file.
